


'Til the Shine Wears Off

by artist_artists



Series: Clumsy, Instead 'verse [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 04:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artist_artists/pseuds/artist_artists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Clumsy, Instead. Kurt and Sebastian move to New York and deal with early relationship problems with varying degrees of success.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Til the Shine Wears Off

It’s just after midnight on the first of September when Kurt climbs into the passenger side of a U-Haul truck and shuts the door firmly, ready to leave Lima behind.

He’ll be back here, of course. Half of his stuff is still up in his bedroom, and his family and friends still live here, but despite Kurt’s lack of a concrete plan for what to do once he gets to New York, he is determined to never call Lima his home again.

“You ready, bud?” Burt asks as he turns the key in the ignition. As the truck roars to life, Kurt takes one last glance out of his window at the house he’s called home for the past two years. He pictures Finn’s empty bedroom, and Carole, awake in her bed. She went to bed hours ago after saying her goodbyes, but Kurt knows she’ll have trouble sleeping until they’re safely on their way. A lump is forming in his throat, so he quickly turns away from the window.

“Yeah,” he tells his dad. “Let’s go.”

-

Kurt’s been fighting tears for almost an hour when his phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s a text from Sebastian, and just seeing his boyfriend’s name on the display is enough to remind Kurt of all the wonderful things waiting for him in New York.

_Do you have a better idea of when you’re going to get here yet?_

Kurt rolls his eyes and taps out a quick response. _We left around midnight, like we planned, so same ETA as before._

Sebastian’s response is quick. _Your ETA was a five hour period._

_And it still is. It’s an 11 hour drive and we just left. I’ll text you when we’re closer and I have a better idea. Go to sleep!_

“You talking to Rachel?” Burt asks as Kurt sends his message. Rachel’s in New York already. Her classes had started earlier this week, and since they couldn’t get into the apartment until today, Rachel had been staying in a hotel with her dads. They were going to meet up with Kurt and his dad to unpack the U-Haul, which had a lot of Rachel’s stuff in it, too.

“Sebastian, actually,” Kurt replies. “He’s going to come by and help us unpack the truck tomorrow, so he was wondering if we knew what time it would be.”

“We probably have enough people to unpack the truck.”

“Probably,” Kurt agrees. “But you have to meet him eventually, anyway.” Though his dad had been mostly supportive when Kurt told him about the relationship, it’s obvious he’s not thrilled that Kurt is dating the guy that put Blaine in the hospital last year. Kurt hopes that the Berrys’ presence at Burt and Sebastian’s first meeting will make everything less awkward and tense.

“You should sleep,” Burt says after a minute. Kurt doesn’t bother to call him out for changing the subject. “I might need you to drive later.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna try.”

Kurt’s phone buzzes with a new message from Sebastian. _Make sure you leave me plenty of time to get there. Don’t forget it’ll take me like 37 hours to get to Brooklyn._

Kurt lets out a quiet laugh. _You’ll have enough warning. Go to sleep, though. You need to be well-rested if you’re going to move all my stuff AND impress my dad._

_I hate you._

_:) Stop bothering me and GO TO SLEEP! I have to try and get some sleep, too._

_Fiiiiine. Have a safe trip._

-

They time it pretty well, in the end. Kurt overestimates the time it will take them by a little while, and Sebastian, even after so much complaining about the distance between Manhattan and Brooklyn, still manages to underestimate the time it will take him to get to Kurt and Rachel’s apartment. It’s still only been 20 minutes since Kurt and his father arrived when Sebastian texts Kurt to let him know that he’s just gotten off the subway.

Kurt excuses himself and heads out to the street to help Sebastian find the building easier, and it’s only a few minutes before Kurt spots him, still almost a block away. Sebastian’s dressed more casually than usual, in cutoff jean shorts and a heather gray t-shirt, and when he sees Kurt, his face splits into a wide grin and he quickens his pace. By the time he’s at Kurt’s building, Sebastian is practically jogging.

“Nice outfit,” Kurt says when Sebastian is close enough to hear. “It’s good that you really dressed up for the occasion.”

“It’s 90 degrees outside, and the ‘occasion’ is hauling a bunch of shit into your apartment,” Sebastian replies. “My outfit makes sense. Yours, on the other hand…”

“Is a fashion miracle,” Kurt supplies. “Made even more miraculous when you consider I sat in a car for almost 12 hours today.”

Sebastian grins. “Something like that. C’mere.” His eyes are twinkling when he reaches forward to pull Kurt into a hug. Before they part, Kurt can’t help but give Sebastian a quick kiss, which Sebastian follows with a kiss that’s not nearly as quick, and after allowing himself to enjoy the feeling for a moment, Kurt forces himself to pull away. They’re in public, after all, and he knows his dad is probably watching from a window.

“So… you found the place okay?” Kurt asks, still a little bit breathless.

“Yeah, it wasn’t too hard. Kind of a long trip, but it’s do-able.” Sebastian’s hands are resting at Kurt’s sides, like he’s not ready to let go yet. Kurt’s not really ready for him to let go yet, either. It’s only been two weeks, but Kurt’s missed the physical contact. Sebastian has made a decent long distance boyfriend - he’s been attentive, informative, and engaging in phone, text, and skype conversations - but Kurt is ready to start this relationship for real.

“Good. We should probably get inside before my dad sends out a search party.”

Sebastian scrunches up his face to show his distaste for that plan, but before he can voice any complaints, Kurt’s father exits the building.

“I figure we better start unloading this truck,” Burt says as he approaches the boys. “Rachel and her parents are on their way out, too.” He gives Sebastian an appraising look, and Kurt almost laughs when Sebastian’s face pales. “You must be Sebastian.”

-

Despite Sebastian’s anxiety, the afternoon they spend moving Kurt and Rachel’s stuff goes pretty well. Though Kurt knows Burt well enough to know that he’s still not thrilled with Sebastian’s presence, it’s not obvious enough for anyone else to pick up on. Burt is polite, and so are Rachel’s parents. Only Rachel is a bit prickly, making sure everyone knows how affronted she is by Sebastian’s presence on their sacred moving day. Sebastian puts forth a valiant effort to remain civil, but after what seems like Rachel’s 300th complaint about how this is meant to be family time, Kurt can see the other boy’s mask slip before he even opens his mouth.

“Is it really smart like that to talk to someone who’s been hauling your precious belongings around all day?” Sebastian snaps at Rachel. “And there’s still that hideous dresser to drag in here, too. Wouldn’t it be a shame if it got destroyed in the transfer?”

Rachel’s jaw drops, but before she can reply, Kurt steps between them. “Rachel,” he says, keeping his voice calm, “you’ve said it about 100 times, okay? Everyone knows you’re not happy.”

“You’re being a bit rude, sweetie,” adds Hiram. “Sebastian’s been very helpful today. You should apologize.”

Sebastian grins expectantly at Rachel, who mumbles an insincere apology.

“Thank you,” Sebastian says. “I’m touched.”

“You two are going to have to learn to get along,” Leroy tells them. “I imagine you’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Oh, I doubt it,” Sebastian says. “I live in my own apartment, and I don’t have any roommates, so I don’t know how often Kurt and I will be together in a place that doesn’t even have walls.” He doesn’t seem to remember the present company includes Kurt’s father until after he’s finished speaking, but when he does, his face pales and he tries to backtrack. “I mean… not that… uh. I just mean that we won’t want to bother Rachel all the time. Since she doesn’t like me.”

Kurt’s face burns hot with embarrassment, but, despite his dad’s displeased look, Burt doesn’t comment. Hiram and Leroy just look amused.

“I have every reason to dislike you,” Rachel insists. “But you’re right, there will definitely not be any sex happening in this apartment.”

“By us, or…” Sebastian looks Rachel up and down and gives her an exaggerated look of pity, “anyone else, I’d imagine.”

“Hey!” Kurt interrupts, falsely cheerful. “We should order pizza! Everyone’s hungry, right? And we’re all gross and sweaty and I doubt anyone wants to go out for food.”

Everyone’s quiet for a moment, but Sebastian finally saves him. “Yeah, pizza sounds like a good idea.” The others murmur their assent and Kurt and Sebastian escape outside, claiming they need a better 4G signal to search for the nearest pizza place on their phones.

“Make sure to order one with just veggies and no cheese!” Rachel calls after them.

“Of course she’s vegan,” Sebastian mutters once the door is closed behind them. “Are you going to make me apologize?”

Kurt laughs. “No, she’s being rude. I will, however, remind you that the guys in there are our parents, so all the allusions to sex are not terribly appropriate.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Sebastian replies, looking sheepish. “I was trying to behave, but she’s driving me nuts. Though I must admit, I did love her claim that I’m only dating you to spy on a glee club you’re not even in anymore.”

“To help out a glee club you’re not in anymore, yeah,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes. “She can be a bit delusional, I know, but she grows on you.”

“Well, like I said, she doesn’t really have to,” Sebastian replies with a grin. “We’re going to have to be at my apartment most of the time.”

“True, but it’s not like you’ll never see her.”

“It’ll be fine. When do you think we’ll be done here? I want you to come see my apartment.”

“It’ll be too late for that,” Kurt says. “It’s already almost six. By the time I went to Manhattan and back-”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and interrupts. “I was sort of thinking you wouldn’t be coming back.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, feeling his face flush. It was a tempting offer, because he’s really missed being intimate with Sebastian. The thought of a whole apartment all to themselves whenever they want it is overwhelming in the best way, but Kurt knows they’ll have to wait a bit. “I can’t stay over tonight. My dad’s staying over, I can’t just leave him here.”

Sebastian furrows his brow. “Where exactly is he sleeping? Where are _you_ sleeping? Your bed’s not even being delivered until Monday.”

“My dad’s going to take the pullout couch, and I’m sharing Rachel’s bed with her,” Kurt explains. “Her dads have a hotel room. It won’t be so bad. They’re all leaving tomorrow.”

“You’re sharing a bed with Rachel in a messy, cramped apartment in Brooklyn when you have the option of sharing a bed with me in a lovely, comparably spacious apartment in Manhattan,” Sebastian says, his tone teasing.

“As shocking as that is,” Kurt replies.

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” Sebastian closes the distance between them, pressing up against Kurt.

“Yes, probably,” Kurt says, then pushes up onto his toes to give Sebastian a quick kiss. “But please don’t? I can’t leave tonight, it’s my first night here.”

“I know. It just sucks that I haven’t seen you in ages and now that you’re actually here, we still have to wait.”

“It was two weeks, Sebastian,” says Kurt with a laugh. It feels wonderful, though, knowing that Sebastian missed him, too. “And now I _live_ here. Permanently. My dad is leaving for the airport as soon as we return the truck tomorrow morning, and Rachel has plans in the afternoon with her dads, so I’ve got a pretty big chunk of time. If you’re free, I mean.”

Sebastian snorts. “Like I’d have other plans the weekend you were scheduled to get here.”

“Ah, let me guess - you assumed we’d be having sex the whole time?”

“Of course!”

Kurt laughs. “Oh, the true motive behind you offering to help move my stuff is revealed!”

“Didn’t know it was a secret,” Sebastian says, grinning. Kurt loves this smile, bright and genuine, so different from all the mocking grins he had received from Sebastian during the school year. Kurt kisses him again, really kisses him this time, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck to pull him closer, just delighting in the fact that he can do this now. Before, Sebastian wasn’t really his to kiss, and then as soon as they had started dating, they had immediately been separated by 600 miles.

“Okay,” Kurt says when he finally manages to break the kiss. “We should stop now before anyone gets too excited.”

“You’re the one who started it that time,” Sebastian points out.

“I know, I know. But no more today. We should try looking for that pizza place now.” Kurt takes his phone from his pocket to start searching. “You don’t have to stay, you know,” he tells Sebastian. “Since you know there’s nothing in it for you, no matter how much time you put in.”

“Free pizza isn’t nothing,” Sebastian replies. “And I still have to destroy Rachel’s dresser. I’m sure I’ve got a few more hours in me.”

Kurt grins. Though he had been joking about Sebastian leaving, it feels good to know he wants to stay and spend more time with him despite the knowledge that they won’t get to be alone that night. He doesn’t verbalize the feelings, hoping that his smile is enough, and instead asks, “Who said the pizza’s going to be free?”

-

Kurt’s in love with Sebastian’s apartment the moment he steps inside, and the brief tour that Sebastian gives him only makes Kurt more excited about spending time here. It’s not terribly large or fancy, and Sebastian’s interior decorating skills leave much to be desired, but it’s neat and comfortable, and Kurt knows it will be easy for him to feel at home here.

“You have walls,” he says to Sebastian as they end their tour back in the kitchen, not bothering to hide his delight.

Sebastian laughs. “Lots of walls. And locks! Not that they’re necessary, without an annoying roommate hanging around.” Kurt opens his mouth to utter a token protest on Rachel’s behalf, but Sebastian keeps talking. “Speaking of which, I have a key for you.” He pulls a key from his pocket and offers it to Kurt.

Kurt’s stunned, but he takes the key. “A key to this apartment?”

“Yeah.” The reaction seems to have made Sebastian uncomfortable, and he sounds nervous when he continues. “It’s not…. it’s just practical, I thought. Like, if you’re in the area for whatever reason, and we have plans later, you won’t have to go all the way back home, even if I’m at class or something.”

“Right, that makes sense,” Kurt assures him, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his key ring. It’s not that he isn’t touched by the gesture, but that he hadn’t expected it. At least not so soon. “Thank you. I can’t reciprocate, though, because Rachel would kill me in my sleep.”

Sebastian laughs. “Yeah, I understand.”

They stand in the kitchen for a moment in comfortable silence as Kurt struggles to squeeze the apartment’s key onto his key ring. Despite Sebastian’s claim that this is just an issue of practicality, Kurt knows it means more than that. It means trust, and a real investment in this relationship, and now that he’s over the surprise, there’s a warmth spreading through Kurt’s body that he’s been learning to associate with Sebastian. It helps remind him of their plans for today, too, and wonder how to smoothly transition from a meaningful relationship moment to getting Sebastian into that wonderful king size bed down the hall.

Kurt’s not always as verbal as Sebastian is about his desires, but he doubts that Sebastian thinks about sex more than he does. Kurt has felt particularly desperate these past few weeks without Sebastian, and his jerk-off material has morphed from memories of what they’ve already done to fantasies of things they haven’t even tried yet. It was acceptable in the privacy of his bedroom back home, but last night, in a bed with Rachel with his dad sleeping not far away, Kurt’s growing obsession with finally being able to fuck Sebastian was quite unwelcome.

“So,” Kurt says when he’s finally got the key on the key ring, “Um… your bedroom was really nice.”

Sebastian lets out a startled laugh. “If you were trying to be subtle, you failed,” he says, taking Kurt’s hand and guiding him toward the hall.

“I wasn’t,” Kurt replies. “I was just trying not to be horribly crass.”

Sebastian turns around when they reach the bedroom. “I like it when you’re horribly crass.” He pulls Kurt into the room with him, and Kurt can’t help but pull the door shut behind them. Even though the apartment is empty, he knows he won’t feel comfortable leaving it open.

“Do you?” he asks Sebastian.

“I really do.” Sebastian pulls Kurt closer until there’s no space left between them. “I love it when you tell me what you want,” he says, quieter, before leaning down and capturing Kurt’s lips in his own.

“I want to get on your bed, because it looks really amazing,” Kurt says when they part. Sebastian laughs, and Kurt’s not sure exactly when it happened, but Sebastian’s laugh has become one of his favorite sounds.

“It’s a nice bed,” Sebastian agrees. He walks backward towards it, pulling Kurt along with him, and Kurt climbs on top of him and starts kissing him once they reach the bed. It’s hard to stop once they’ve started, and soon they’re lying down, faces flushed as they work to undo buttons without separating their lips.

“What now?” Sebastian asks after a few minutes. He moves his lips down Kurt’s neck and sucks on it a little before looking up to meet Kurt’s eyes. “We’ve made it to the bed. What’s step two?”

It’s hard for Kurt to think clearly with Sebastian so close, their bodies flush together. They’re still mostly clothed, but he can feel Sebastian’s hard cock pressing against his thigh through their layers of clothing. When Sebastian ducks his head to take one of Kurt’s nipples into his mouth, Kurt gasps and forgets that he was asked a question at all.

“No ideas, then?” Sebastian asks when he pulls back, giving Kurt a playful grin.

“I was thinking we could try something new,” Kurt finally manages to say.

Sebastian looks intrigued. “Oh?”

“I mean… we have time now, and privacy, and-”

“You don’t have to convince me,” Sebastian interrupts. “What do you want to do?”

“We haven’t tried anal yet,” Kurt says. It sounds terribly unsexy to his own ears, but Sebastian’s eyes widen with interest.

“You want to?” he asks, straightening his body so his face is closer to Kurt’s. It means their dicks are pressed against each other now, too, and Kurt tries not to whimper at the feeling. “Which… um… do you want me to fuck you? Or do you want to…”

“I’m flexible,” Kurt says, and Sebastian huffs out a laugh. “Really,” Kurt insists. “I enjoy both.”

“You’ve done it before?” Sebastian asks, looking surprised. “With Blaine?”

“Yeah, lots of times,” Kurt assures him. It’s strange, after all they’ve done, that Sebastian still views him as inexperienced. In comparison to Sebastian, maybe he is, but he’s certainly well-versed in everything he considers a fairly normal sex act. “More one way than the other, though. Blaine really liked to be fucked.”

“Jesus, that’s hot,” Sebastian groans.

“What, you’re picturing it?!”  
  


“Uh, yeah,” says Sebastian, like it should be obvious.

“Well, don’t!” Kurt gives Sebastian’s arm a light smack.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “You could give me something else to think about,” he suggests.

“I will,” Kurt says, feeling determined. He sits up and reaches for the nightstand, hoping that’s where he’ll find condoms and lube.

“Middle drawer,” Sebastian supplies, and Kurt quickly finds what he needs and tosses the items on the bed before climbing on top of Sebastian.

“What do you want?” Kurt asks, running his hand down Sebastian’s chest. “We’ve determined that I’m up for anything, but you haven’t mentioned your preference.”

“I’ve never done either,” Sebastian says.

Kurt backs up a bit in shock, until he’s straddling Sebastian’s thighs. “Never?” he echoes. He had always assumed that Sebastian had never pushed the issue back in Lima because of the lack of time and privacy. Kurt had never broached the topic back then for those reasons, plus the fact that he wasn’t sure how intimate he wanted to get with someone he wasn’t actually dating.

“Nope,” Sebastian confirmed.

“Why not?” Kurt asks, still trying to wrap his mind around the new information. Sebastian had never been shy about all of the guys he’d hooked up with since he got his first fake ID at 15, and he had clearly had a lot of practice with all of the other things they had done. It just didn’t make sense.

Sebastian seems confused by the question. “I don’t know? I usually didn’t spend a lot of time with people. Only one guy even wanted to, but he was kind of shady, and I wasn’t interested. I wanted to at least be comfortable with the person, you know?”

“Yeah, of course. We don’t have to tonight,” Kurt says. He doesn’t want to be pushy, not if this is a big deal for Sebastian. “We can do something else.”

Sebastian just laughs, taking Kurt’s hands in his and resting them on top of his chest. “I’m comfortable with you, and I’m not some blushing virgin, okay? I want to do this. I… want it to be you.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, trying to ignore the added pressure of being Sebastian’s first. It’s scary, but exhilarating, too, knowing that Sebastian has standards for this and Kurt meets them. Sebastian wants it to be _Kurt._ It’s a lot of emotion to deal with on a day where Kurt’s already shared a tearful goodbye with his father and been given a key to his boyfriend’s apartment.

Sebastian seems to notice Kurt’s thoughts drifting from the matter at hand, because he thrusts his hips upwards, causing Kurt to let out a startled moan at the contact. It is effective at getting Kurt back on task. He lets go of Sebastian’s hands and leans down to kiss him, covering Sebastian’s chest with his own. Their cocks are lined up, too, and Sebastian jerks his hips up again, more desperate this time, and Kurt ends the sloppy kiss.

“Do you want to fuck me?” he whispers, close to Sebastian’s ear.

“Yes,” Sebastian pants.

“I want to ride you, is that okay?” It had been the fantasy that haunted Kurt last night, and he can’t help but be reminded as he lies on top of Sebastian. Kurt had only ever done this once with Blaine. Blaine had only fucked him a few times, period, but that one night had been Kurt’s favorite. He isn’t sure if it’s first time material, but Sebastian’s response is a long, drawn-out moan followed by an emphatic “yes” before he pulls Kurt in for another kiss.

It doesn’t go exactly how Kurt pictured it. It’s slower, sweeter, and never gets quite as rough as Kurt’s fantasy had. Sebastian’s more vocal, too, moans and grunts interspersed with babbled curses and praise. He’s never been this loud with Kurt, or as desperate, either, his fingers scrabbling at Kurt’s back as Kurt moves up and down over him. Kurt’s not quiet, either. It’s been so long since he’s had someone so close to him, so long since he felt the burn, the stretch, the fullness of it. Eventually, Sebastian frees one of his hands, covering it in lube and wrapping it around Kurt’s dick, letting him thrust up into it as he rides Sebastian. Neither of them last long after that.

Sebastian’s clingy afterward, pulling Kurt down next to him on the bed once Kurt has lifted himself off of Sebastian. Kurt knows he won’t be able to lie there naked and sticky for long, but he decides to allow it for a little while, basking in the moment and letting Sebastian pull him closer.

“I just had sex in New York,” Kurt says, unable to keep the awe out of his voice.

Sebastian laughs into his neck. “Better than Ohio sex, huh?”

“If you really need to ask that after what we just did, I think we might need to see other people,” huffs Kurt, mock offended, and Sebastian lets out another quiet laugh.

He puts up a fight a minute later when Kurt tries to escape from his embrace, and when Kurt finally manages to convince Sebastian to let him up, Sebastian just waits on the bed, watching Kurt intently as Kurt he gets rid of the condom, and uses some tissues from the box on the nightstand to wipe both of them off.

“We should shower,” Kurt says, scrunching up his nose as he tosses the soiled tissues into the nearby trash can.

“Later.” Sebastian reaches out to grab Kurt’s wrist and pull him back to the bed.

“Okay,” agrees Kurt. “I probably have to get out of here by six, but we still have plenty of time.”

Sebastian groans in displeasure. “Rachel doesn’t need you. You should just stay over.”

“I promised her we’d spend our first night alone in the the city together,” Kurt reminds him as he lies next to Sebastian again. He had meant to grab his underwear while he was up, but now that he’s curled up against Sebastian, he’s too comfortable to move. “I can maybe stay over tomorrow night, though.”

“Tuesday might be better,” Sebastian replies. “Between work and school tomorrow, I won’t be back ‘til late, and I have an early class on Tuesday morning.”

“Okay. That’s gives me more time to warn Rachel, anyway.”

“She’s too needy.”

“Says the guy who didn’t even want to let me up so I could wipe the come off of his chest?”

“I’m allowed,” Sebastian insists. “That’s a boyfriend thing. Look it up.”

Kurt grins. “I think I may have misplaced my copy of the official boyfriend manual, sorry.”

“Oh, no worries,” Sebastian assures him. “I’ll be sure to let you know when you fuck up.”

“What a good boyfriend,” Kurt murmurs before pressing a soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips. “Do you want to nap for a while? We can just set an alarm to make sure I don’t oversleep.”

Sebastian mumbles his assent, letting Kurt get up and grab his phone to set an alarm. It’s only a minute before he’s back in bed, pulling the sheet over himself and Sebastian before snuggling in close to his boyfriend’s side. It’s been an exhausting few days, and Kurt starts drifting off quickly. The last thing he remembers before falling asleep is thinking about how lucky he feels as Sebastian wraps an arm around his back. He’s in New York, living with his best friend, starting a promising relationship with a wonderful guy who only lives a subway trip away, and he still has no plan beyond applying to every job, internship, and college program that vaguely relates to his interests or skill set, but in that moment, Kurt isn’t worried about the future. That afternoon, in Sebastian’s arms, Kurt feels invincible.

-

The next week passes quickly, a whirlwind of sex with Sebastian, job hunting, and lady chats with Rachel. She has a lot to talk about, between the dance instructor who despises her and the hot guy she’s crushing on. Their apartment starts to feel like home almost immediately. Kurt hasn’t regretted his decision to move once.

The job search is a bit draining. Kurt scrolls through hundreds of pages of job listings online and mostly finds professional positions that he is in no way qualified for, but it doesn’t stop him from submitting his resumé and cover letter, anyway. He looks at internships, too, even though he knows he should really seek out a paid position. A listing for an intern at Vogue.com is particularly intriguing to Kurt, even though the ad says they prefer students, and the deadline to apply is only a few days away. He writes an impassioned essay about his love of fashion on his laptop late Tuesday night as Sebastian sleeps next to him, and submits it with some hastily obtained recommendation letters from Mr. Schuester and Coach Sylvester and a file showcasing some of the best outfits he’d put together in high school. It’s a longshot, but Kurt knows he’ll regret it if he doesn’t try at all.

In addition to the online searching, he also seeks out jobs in person. He inquires about available positions at at least a dozen coffee shops, because it’s something that he has some experience with (and if most of the places he applies to are in Sebastian’s general vicinity, it’s only because there just aren’t many coffee shops in Kurt’s neighborhood). He knows he’ll get a glowing endorsement from Elaine, if anyone actually checks his references. Serving coffee is not what he wants to do, but he knows he needs to be realistic about the job search, too.

Even with his time spent looking for employment and gossiping with Rachel, Kurt still manages to see Sebastian every day. It’s easy enough to plan around Sebastian’s work and class schedule and spend a few hours with him every day. The amount of alone time they have together feels like a gift after weeks of sneaking around or being separated completely. The freedom to have sex whenever and however they want is thrilling, but Kurt finds the freedom to _not_ have sex every time they’re alone to be even more gratifying. Back in Lima, with both Sebastian and Blaine, every rare moment alone felt like an obligation to do things they couldn’t do with supervision. Now, the choice is freely made, and while they still usually opt for sex, it’s not always the case.

That Thursday, Sebastian has a night class that gets out around 8:30, and Kurt is waiting at his apartment when he gets home, tired and cranky. Sebastian doesn’t seem interested in explaining his mood, and dismisses Kurt’s queries with, “My boss is an asshole.” When he refuses to elaborate, Kurt doesn’t press the issue. They spend the evening curled up together on the couch, splitting a bottle of wine and watching the Lost pilot on Netflix, which Sebastian has heralded as the best episode of any television show in history. Kurt’s never seen it before, and he’s interested enough to not notice until the episode ends that Sebastian has fallen asleep. It takes the promise of watching one more episode in Sebastian’s bedroom to get him to agree to move from the couch once Kurt gently shakes him awake.

“Just one, though,” Kurt tells Sebastian as they climb into bed. “It’s getting late. I should head back soon.”

Sebastian grunts in disapproval, but he’s asleep again a few minutes into the episode, anyway. Kurt finishes watching, partly because he’s enjoying the show, but mostly because he’s not quite ready to leave yet. He knows he should. He had made a promise to himself to not neglect Rachel. She’s his best friend and the reason he was able to even come to New York in the first place, and Kurt doesn’t want to leave her alone at the apartment every night. He had originally told himself that he would only spend one full night at Sebastian’s a week, and he already slept over on Tuesday.

It’s a little after 11 when the episode ends, and Sebastian is still fast asleep. He looks adorable wrapped up in the sheets, his face smushed up against the pillows, and Kurt wants nothing more than to stay. He thinks of the long, lonely journey back to Brooklyn, of the cold, empty bed waiting for him there, and before he lets himself think better of it, he sends Rachel a text telling her not to worry, he’s staying over at Sebastian’s, and he’ll see her tomorrow. He turns down the volume on his phone and tosses it onto the nightstand, not wanting to deal with her response. There’s nothing she can say that Kurt isn’t already fully aware of. He knows that his intense feelings are a bit premature. It’s only been three weeks since he and Sebastian started dating, only three months since Kurt began to like Sebastian at all. He had spent more time cursing Sebastian’s existence than he’s spent tolerating him, but it doesn’t feel that way.

When Kurt had first started to like Sebastian, it had been helpful for him to think of the other boy as two separate people: The Sebastian who was rude, promiscuous, and manipulative, and the newer model, who was snarky but caring, and never meant any harm. As time passes, though, Kurt knows that Sebastian isn’t a completely different person. It’s not hard to reconcile the Sebastian he hated last year and the Sebastian he’s so close with today. Sebastian’s behavior has improved, but his personality hasn’t changed much. It’s Kurt’s perception that has changed, reacting differently to the same sarcasm and smugness that he had despised so much last year when Sebastian had been after his boyfriend and his Regionals trophy. Last year, seeing Sebastian had made Kurt burn up with anger, and there’s still heat between them now, but it’s more of a constant warmth that feels pleasant and safe. Kurt accepts the change in his own feelings, mostly, but there are times, like tonight, when Sebastian had been so reluctant to share the reasons for his bad mood, when Kurt worries that maybe the two of them are not on the same page like he thought. Maybe he’s become too invested in this relationship. If Sebastian hasn’t changed that much, if he’s still the same person that Kurt hated, then who’s to say they’ll never return to that place of loathing?

Kurt’s doubts are long forgotten by the time he strips to his underwear, switches off the lights, and joins Sebastian under the sheets.

-

The first thing Kurt sees upon waking the next morning is Sebastian lying next to him, bright-eyed and smiling, making the exhaustion and malcontent from the previous night seem like a distant, unimportant memory.

“You stayed,” he says.

“I did,” Kurt confirms. He stayed, even though he promised himself and everyone else that he would leave. He stayed despite being without pajamas, a change of clothes, or any of his skin care products.

Sebastian kisses him in reply, on the lips, the neck, and before long, he’s pushing the sheets out of the way to allow more access to the rest of Kurt’s body. Kurt had already been hard when he woke up, and it’s nearly over for him once Sebastian grabs a condom out of the middle drawer and sinks his mouth over Kurt’s cock. He doesn’t think he’s come so quickly since the first time Blaine ever sucked him off, and he’s left feeling hazy and boneless as he half-heartedly tries to help Sebastian get himself off. Kurt’s so uncoordinated that Sebastian laughs at him before closing his own hand over Kurt’s fist and guiding them both as he breathes heavy against Kurt’s neck. It’s not long before he comes, too, spilling over both of their fists, and leaking onto the sheets.

“I wanted to do that as soon as I woke up,” Sebastian says after they’ve spent a few minutes recovering.

“Do what?”

“Blow you. Your dick was pressing against my back and I thought it would be a nice way to wake you up.”

Kurt laughs. “Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t know if that would freak you out. I didn’t really have permission or anything.”

“You have permission,” Kurt tells him. He’s a little embarrassed about how much the idea of being woken up by Sebastian’s mouth turns him on. “Just… for the future, if you ever want to. You can consider this permission, unless I tell you otherwise.”

Sebastian grins. “You have mine, too. If you’re ever so inclined. I don’t know how well it will work out, though. I think I probably would have woken you up putting the condom on, anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Kurt agrees.

Sebastian breaks eye contact then, focusing his attention on Kurt’s bare chest instead. “I got tested a few weeks ago, when I first got here. Not that I ever wasn’t careful, but I just wanted to make sure. I’m clean, so if you ever…” Sebastian trails off, biting his lip. “You don’t have anything to worry about, I guess.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, surprised. It wasn’t the turn he had expected this conversation to take, but the idea of forgoing condoms is undeniably appealing to him. He and Blaine had quickly become lax in their condom use. They had seen no need, really, when neither of them had been with anyone else, and everything felt so much better without them. Kurt tries not to get lost in fantasies of tasting Sebastian instead of latex, of feeling Sebastian without the barrier. “I’ve never been tested before. I’ve only been with Blaine, but… I could get it done, so then neither of us have anything to worry about.”

It’s not a task Kurt will look forward to or enjoy, but the payoff will be worth it. The smile Sebastian gives him is worth the discomfort all on its own.

“That would be cool,” Sebastian says. “Not that we would have to stop using condoms, but just…”

“Knowing is good,” finishes Kurt. “And, um… since you’ve always been safe, I guess you wouldn’t know, but it feels pretty amazing.” Sebastian groans and buries his face in Kurt’s neck. “That was not an invitation to picture Blaine and I again, by the way.”

Sebastian laughs. “Don’t worry,” he says, meeting Kurt’s gaze. “Just you and me this time.”

-

The call from Vogue.com comes early Monday afternoon, and Kurt’s in a state of shock until he enters the office a few days later for his interview. He’s only told Rachel and Sebastian, hoping to keep the number of people he has to inform of his potential failure low. Sharing the news about his NYADA audition, and then how well he’d done at the audition had felt wonderful, but having to answer so many questions about the result had been heartbreaking. Sebastian and Rachel are supportive enough on their own, helping to bolster his confidence in spite of the many things that indicate he won’t actually be chosen as the intern. He manages to overcome his nerves enough to ace the interview and get hired on the spot. Isabelle, his new boss, is bright and enthusiastic, and Kurt feels like the luckiest boy in the world.

Working as an intern at Vogue.com hadn’t been on Kurt’s bucket list, but he enjoys the work a lot. Most days, he’s just responsible for fetching coffee and answering phones, but being in an environment with professionals who work in fashion is invigorating. Isabelle is interested in his opinions, too, and the time he spends at the office makes his already charmed New York life even more fulfilling. When Kurt thinks back on the hopelessness of the summer, he hopes that this experience will be enough to keep him out of ruts like that in the future. Giving up hope has never solved anything for him, and though his life is not at all how he would have predicted six months ago, he has gotten out of Lima, and he’s happy with the unexpected twists - Sebastian, the loft in Bushwick, and Vogue. Now, it’s hard to picture his life with them.

The one problem with the Vogue.com internship is that it’s unpaid. Kurt’s father is paying his half of the rent, and Kurt knows that his dad will help with other living costs, too, if necessary, but Kurt hates taking so much money. Burt doesn’t give him any trouble about it, and is as excited as anyone else about Kurt’s internship, but Kurt feels guilty all the same. His savings account won’t last him much longer, and he only works 25 hours a week at Vogue.com, so when he gets a call back from one of the coffee shops he had applied to, Kurt schedules an interview, hoping to secure a part-time position.

“That’ll make it hard for us to see each other,” Sebastian says, not bothering to hide his frown. “You’ve only been interning for a week, and it’s already hard for us to make time.” It’s Friday night, and the last time they had gotten together was for lunch on Wednesday. It’s not horrible, really, but it’s different from Kurt’s first two weeks in the city, when he was free to work around Sebastian’s schedule.

“It won’t be that bad,” Kurt insists. “We’ll still have nights, after I get out of work, and I’m going to see if I can get away with having one day off during the weekend.” When Sebastian doesn’t reply, Kurt continues. “Look, I _have_ to work, okay? I feel bad enough about my dad paying for my rent.”

Sebastian opens his mouth, prepared to argue, but he stops himself and lets out a sigh instead. “I know. It just sucks.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll make time,” Kurt assures him, relieved that Sebastian isn’t pressing the money issue further. He knows that it’s hard for Sebastian to understand why someone would feel guilty about taking their parents’ money when it’s freely offered.

“We will,” agrees Sebastian with a smirk. He grabs Kurt’s wrists and pulls him closer. “We should probably start right now.”

-

It’s harder than Kurt thought it would be to make time for everything once he starts working at the coffee shop. Between his two jobs, he works 40-45 hours a week, which isn’t unmanageable, but working around Sebastian’s work and school schedule is difficult. They don’t have as much time together, but Kurt cherishes every moment they spend with each other.

By the first week of October, Kurt’s settled in to both of his jobs and built up a group of acquaintances. He doubts any of them will ever be close friends, but it’s nice to have people to eat lunch with, or to hang out when Sebastian and Rachel are busy. Kurt’s starting to feel like a true New Yorker, too, despite still not having much time to explore most of the city. All of his normal trips - to Sebastian’s apartment, the Vogue.com office, NYADA, and Columbia - are done without thinking, and he’s learned to navigate the subway stations like a pro.

The day that Isabelle invites him to attend a fashion show with her and her team, Kurt has a lot of trouble upholding the mask of nonchalance he’s adopted at work.

“I know it’s short notice,” Isabelle says, “but Chase had to go home sick, and if you’re free tonight, I think you’d really enjoy it.”

“I’m free,” Kurt replies. “I mean, I’m not, but my boyfriend will totally understand.” He and Sebastian have no specific plans that night, but because Kurt wasn’t working at the coffee shop, he had been planning on seeing Sebastian that night. Nothing could make Kurt turn down this offer, though. As an intern, he never gets to go to any of the events that Isabelle and her team attend, and this is an opportunity that may never present itself again.

He calls Sebastian as soon as he leaves work that afternoon, even though Sebastian’s class doesn’t get out for another 15 minutes. Kurt will be on the subway by then with no signal. A voicemail will more accurately express his enthusiasm than a text. There are not enough exclamation points in the world to describe how excited he is right now.

To Kurt’s surprise, Sebastian answers his phone after only one ring. “Hey,” he says. “Did you just get out of work?”  
  


“Yeah. I was going to leave a voicemail, I thought you’d still be in class.”

“We got out a little early today,” Sebastian explains. “I’m about to head home. What’s up?”

“I have amazing news!” Kurt doesn’t try to hold back his enthusiasm, and he can almost hear Sebastian’s grin.

“Oh yeah? Is it that you’re heading to my apartment right now and I’ll see you earlier than I thought?”

Kurt laughs. “Not quite. I got invited to go with Isabelle and her team to a fashion show!”

“That’s great! How’d you manage that?”

“It’s really because of Chase. Who, by the way, is my new favorite person in the world.”

“Chase? That guy who you said smells like a walking cologne factory?”

“That’s the one!” Kurt says. “Maybe the horrid smell finally got to him, and that’s why he got sick and had to cancel.” He immediately feels bad for being so rude to someone who, even inadvertently, is causing his good fortune today. “I hope he feels better soon,” Kurt says, to assuage his guilt. Then, with difficulty, he adds, “He doesn’t really smell _that_ bad. Anyway, the show is tonight, so…”

“So you’re not coming over,” finishes Sebastian, all traces of happiness now gone from his voice.

“Well, no. Not tonight,” Kurt replies. “I’d stop by now, but I really need to get back home and find something to wear. This is _such_ short notice, and-”

“Are you coming by after the show?”

Kurt frowns. “It’ll be really late, and you have an early class tomorrow. I’m sure you’ll be sleeping.”

“So when can I expect you to clear time for me in your busy schedule, sweetheart?” It’s not Sebastian’s usual playful sarcasm. His tone is dangerous, challenging, and even when he was threatening to blackmail New Directions last year, he hadn’t sounded like this.

“I… look, Sebastian, this wasn’t on purpose,” he says. “It just happened. I can’t turn stuff like this down, it might be a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, and-”

“Right, and those shifts you picked up for Kevin at the coffee shop, were those once in a lifetime opportunities for you, too? And that party at your office last week? How about that time you went out with Chase?”

Kurt is quiet for a moment, confused by Sebastian’s accusatory tone and unsure of what to respond to first. “I never went out with Chase,” he settles on, as it’s the most perplexing of the allegations. “I can barely even tolerate Chase, he’s-”

“And yet, you spend more time with him than you do with me,” Sebastian snaps. “You texted me about having lunch with him on Monday.”

“I had lunch with the whole office on Monday!”

“Well, good to know you’re spending your free time with _someone_.” Sebastian’s shouting now, and Kurt pulls the phone back from his ear, wincing.

“Sebastian, I-”

“Forget it,” he spits. “Enjoy your fashion show. Say hi to Chase for me!”

Kurt hears the call disconnect, but it doesn’t stop him from murmuring a dazed, “But Chase isn’t even going to be there,” to the dead air.

It doesn’t make any sense. Sebastian hasn’t even mentioned the concerns he’s had about their lack of time together since before Kurt even started working at the coffee shop. He’s being totally unreasonable, too, because this is a _huge deal_ , and no matter how much Kurt likes spending time with Sebastian, it would be ridiculous to pass up this opportunity so he can watch Lost and fuck his boyfriend. Kurt’s never heard Sebastian yell like that. He’s experienced Sebastian’s frustration before, but never this sort of anger. Never directed at Kurt.

He stands still for a moment, right on 42nd street, trying to figure out how to handle the situation while people grumble as they’re forced to walk around him. He doesn’t have to think for long, though, because his phone rings, Sebastian’s name lighting up the display.

“Sebastian?” Kurt says cautiously when he answers the call.

Sebastian skips the greeting. “Can we just, like, undo the past five minutes? Because after I hung up I realized that I must have sounded like the worst boyfriend ever. Like… jealous, and terrible and demanding and everything I really don’t want to be.”

Kurt laughs, a bit uneasy. He’s relieved to hear that Sebastian doesn’t sound angry anymore, but he still can’t believe it happened in the first place. “Um… okay.”

“I’m not mad,” Sebastian continues. “Or… well, I am, a little, but I know I shouldn’t be. You should go to this fashion show, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it, and I’m sorry if it makes me an asshole, but we just never see each other anymore.”

“It’s only been a few days,” Kurt says. “I know we can’t see each other as often as when I first moved here, but-”

“Kurt,” interrupts Sebastian. His voice is soft, almost too quiet to hear over the street noise around Kurt. “It’s been over a week.”

“No,” says Kurt, because that’s impossible. “We saw each other on Sunday.” He distinctly remembers penciling Sebastian’s name into his day planner for last Sunday.

“We were _supposed_ to, but then it didn’t actually happen.”

“Oh, right.” Kurt remembers now - Sebastian had called to cancel, because he had a test on Monday and was meeting with a study group. “You canceled that, though, not me. I went into work at the coffee shop that day, but only because-”

“I know, I know,” Sebastian says. “That one was my fault. But you’ve canceled on me so many times it’s starting to feel like you don’t even _want_ to see me anymore. All you ever talk about is work, and I’m glad that it makes you so happy, but it’s also the thing that keeps you away, so it’s not my favorite topic of conversation.”

Kurt starts to argue, but holds himself back. It’s a familiar complaint. Blaine had discussed this with him last year - how Kurt has the tendency to get so wrapped up in his own life that he forgets how it might make everyone else around him feel.

“I don’t mean to make you feel that way,” Kurt says. “Really. But this job is pretty important to me. It’s not that it’s _more_ important to me.” He sighs. “I wish you’d said something sooner.”

Sebastian snorts. “I shouldn’t have even said anything _now_. It’s stupid, I sound whiny and-”

“No, no, you’re right,” Kurt interrupts. “I’m sorry. I get stuck in my own little world sometimes. I just… feel really stupid, because I’ve been under the impression that this whole relationship is going really well, and I tell everybody that when they ask, and now…”

“It _is_ going _really_ well,” Sebastian assures him. “I was being an asshole.”

“I think work will settle down soon,” Kurt says. “It’s all so new, and I’m trying to impress everyone at Vogue, you know? Just in case there’s a chance that I might get hired for real after the internship. And I’m taking extra shifts when I can get them at the coffee shop because I want my boss to like me, and I could use the money, too.”

“I know. That’s why we should pretend the whole conversation never happened. I had a bad day and I took it out on you.”

“We’re going to spend more time together,” Kurt persists. He doesn’t want to pretend that the whole conversation never happened. Sebastian hadn’t voiced his opinions in the most productive way, but he was right. The fact that Kurt hadn’t even noticed that they had gone over a week without seeing each other was a real problem. It wasn’t that he hadn’t missed Sebastian, because he had. The past week and a half had been particularly stressful, though, with an unexpected visit from Finn. Kurt had tried to spend as much time with his stepbrother as possible, and then had to deal with the fallout once Finn left and Rachel was upset over their break-up. Dealing with this on top of the normal stress of his internship and his job at the coffee shop had felt too overwhelming, and Kurt had let Sebastian fade into the background, not because he didn’t enjoy the time they spent together, but because Kurt considered it the most stable thing in his life, and the thing least likely to be affected by a brief period of neglect. Now, it’s clear that it was a stupid assumption to make. No matter how comfortable they feel together, Kurt and Sebastian have only been dating for six weeks, and it’s Sebastian’s first relationship. Of course he felt upset and abandoned after the way Kurt had been behaving.

“Can you meet for coffee before your early class tomorrow?” Kurt continues. He knows Sebastian would much prefer a meeting in his apartment that involves a lot fewer layers of clothing, but for now, it’s all he can offer. “If I meet you at 8, I should still be able to get to the office on time.”

“It’s out of your way,” Sebastian says.

“It’s not so bad. And I still have to work tomorrow night, but if you’re free Friday night, I can come over.”

“I thought you were working at the coffee shop?”

“I told Anna I’d consider taking her shift, but screw her,” Kurt says. “She’s awful, anyway.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I really do,” Kurt interrupts. “I want this to work, and I’ve been doing a pretty crappy job of showing you that.”

“Me, too. I shouldn’t have canceled on you over the weekend,” says Sebastian.

Kurt wants to argue, keep insisting that the whole mess is his own fault, but he knows there’s no point. “We’ll work harder,” he says instead as he thinks of ways to deal with the problem. “And we should also have at least one day every week that’s ours, so we don’t go this long without seeing each other again even when we’re really busy. We both have Sundays free, generally, right? Because I told the coffee shop not to schedule me, and you don’t have work or school. So maybe Sundays can just be for us. And if something comes up that we can’t miss, then we have to pick another day in the week to be our Sunday.”

“Are we gonna start that this Sunday?” Sebastian asks, sounding hopeful.

“Yes. But we’re going to see each other before that anyway.”

“Tomorrow,” Sebastian says. “Eight. Your coffee shop?”

“Of course,” Kurt says. “The one benefit of working at that hellhole is that I never have to pay full price for coffee.”

-

They’re both more attentive to each other after that conversation. Kurt doesn’t cancel plans anymore unless he already has a time set up to reschedule. He never misses a Sunday, either, and before long, he’s spending every Saturday night through Monday morning with Sebastian. Rachel’s not pleased about it, but he makes sure to spend his free time on Saturdays with her, and he even tags along with her and Brody for dinner some nights when Sebastian isn’t free. Kurt keeps suggesting to Sebastian that they all go on a double date sometime, but Sebastian still isn’t interested in spending more time with Rachel than is strictly necessary.

Sundays quickly become Kurt’s favorite day of the week. He and Sebastian usually sleep in and take their time getting out of bed once they’re awake. They’ll go out for brunch and then head out to check another tourist destination off of Kurt’s list. Though Sebastian spent a lot of time in New York as a kid, Kurt still has a lot to see in the city he now calls home. Sebastian always whines about the visiting the tourist attractions, but Kurt knows it’s all for show. The outings are always fun, and after spending so long only seeing each other in the confines of Sebastian’s apartment when they could find time, being out together on dates makes their relationship feel more legitimate. Sebastian’s more tactile in public than Kurt ever expected him to be, never shy about holdings hands or kissing. When they’re seated, he’s always pressed up against Kurt’s side. Though Kurt has never been comfortable with so much public affection, he grows fond of Sebastian’s near-constant touch and even starts initiating contact himself. They still get looks sometimes, but Kurt finds himself minding the stares of strangers less and less.

He’s happy with the relationship, most days. Sebastian, despite his claims over the summer, _is_ a good boyfriend - warm, caring, and willing to compromise. He always makes sure to keep Kurt’s favorite brand of ice cream in his freezer, to text a ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ when they’re not together.

Kurt doesn’t doubt that Sebastian cares about him. There’s a look Sebastian gives him sometimes, bright-eyed and adoring, a reminder to Kurt that they’re still on the same page. There are times, though, when Sebastian is not so easy to read, times that he comes home from work looking tired and upset when Kurt is waiting for him at the apartment on one of his nights off. Sebastian’s face morphs into a strange, smiling mask upon seeing Kurt, who always asks what’s wrong but never persists once Sebastian dismisses it as nothing. Kurt doesn’t continue questioning partly because he doesn’t want to be annoying and partly because he’s scared that the real problem might be their relationship. There’s a difference between caring about someone and being okay with the monotony of a monogamous relationship - being the dutiful, obedient partner, following the same routine: eat dinner, watch tv, fuck, with outings and sleepovers on the weekends. Kurt thrives on it, but maybe Sebastian, with his history of only short-term hook-ups, wasn’t ready for for the commitment. Maybe they jumped in too fast, are moving too fast. Even though it’s mostly Sebastian who has been setting the pace, pressing ever forward, Kurt’s starting to fear that they’ll hit a roadblock eventually, a point where Sebastian realizes how deep they’re in and how stifling it is to him. If Sebastian panics, everything could fall apart.

So Kurt never bugs Sebastian too much on these nights, even though he knows he should. He lets the topic drop and holds Sebastian close, strokes his hair, kisses him all over, whatever it takes to get the real smile to return. Kurt always gets it to return.

Kurt realizes he’s in love with Sebastian after one of their Sunday dates in late October. They had tried to create a meal from a complicated recipe, failed horribly, and settled for a meal of bagged salad, Hot Pockets, and wine. Sebastian, who’s always happier on weekends, is particularly loose after all the wine, and they’re cleaning up the remains of their failed cooking experiment when he calls Kurt ‘baby’ for the first time in a non-sexual setting.

“I must be moving up in your esteem,” Kurt teases after pointing it out. “I never get to be ‘baby’ in the kitchen. Well, except for that one time…”

Sebastian laughs. “If you want pet names, darling, I can give you pet names. Which do you prefer? Sweetheart? Angel? Cupcake?”

“I think ‘Kurt’ is fine, actually,” Kurt replies, scrunching up his face in disgust at the options.

“You like ‘baby,’ though.”

“I think it’s more that I have a Pavlovian response to ‘baby’ at this point.”

Sebastian looks amused. “Well, that’s no good, then. As funny as it would be for me, we don’t want you embarrassing yourself in public when you can’t control your urges.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and goes back to scrubbing the pan they’ve probably ruined by scorching sauce in it. “Yes, just in case that _highly unlikely_ event comes to pass, you better stick to calling me Kurt.”

“But what about sugar dumpling?” Sebastian asks, adopting a southern accent that’s so ridiculous Kurt can’t stop giggling. “Sweetcheeks? Honey-muffin? Honey-bear? _Sugar pie honey bunch?_ ” He sings the last part, and it’s a song Kurt remembers emanating from his grandmother’s car radio when he was a child. He almost starts singing, too, wanting to pick up from the next line. He hasn’t sung much at all recently, though he’s been diligently working on his NYADA early decision application for next fall. He’s never sung with Sebastian, either, and he wants to, but the next lyric is about love, and even in his drunken state, Kurt thinks it might not be a good idea to go there.

He does love Sebastian, though, and he hadn’t fully accepted it until that moment, looking at Sebastian’s face, so unguarded, so happy, with twinkling eyes and a bright smile. He’s in love, _they’re_ in love, but maybe Sebastian hasn’t figured that out yet. So Kurt doesn’t say anything, doesn’t continue the song, but he abandons the soiled pan so he can pull Sebastian closer to him and give him a kiss.

“Does this mean Sugarpie honeybunch is the winner?” Sebastian asks.

Kurt laughs. “No, definitely not. I was trying to get you to shut up, mostly.”

“Well, _I_ was trying to get you to stop scrubbing that stupid pan, because you know I’m just going to buy a new one anyway.”

Kurt wakes up the next morning curled up around Sebastian, feeling embarrassed when he remembers his revelation from the night before. He knows it’s true, even now in the early morning light when he’s sober, but it’s so soon for love. They’re barely two months into the relationship, Sebastian’s _first_ relationship, and based on Kurt’s experience with Blaine, he knows how many things can still go wrong here. Sebastian’s never done anything like this, and Kurt is such a clumsy teacher as they hurtle down this road, unable or unwilling to slow them down.

It can’t be undone, though. Kurt knows that when he looks at his boyfriend, the man that he loves, face so relaxed in sleep. Now that he knows this is love, he won’t be able to see Sebastian differently, at least not while they’re together. He can’t go back to the time before he realized it. It’s a scary thought. He’s never had a realization like this before. With Blaine, he’d practically been in love since the day they met. He’s never worked up to it before, through dating and sex and hours of time spent together. He knows it’s fast, still, but it doesn’t _feel_ fast to him, it feels right. Kurt thinks of the roadblock again, of the time they will finally hit Sebastian’s limit. They have to hit it eventually, the point where Sebastian realizes that he has a boyfriend for real, that this is love, not messing around.

Kurt takes a shaky breath and tries to push the worry back down inside. If he’s wrong, no harm done. If he’s right, though, mentioning it can only speed up the confrontation, and Kurt’s not ready to give this up yet.

 _Do you know?_ he thinks to himself as he presses his lips to Sebastian’s forehead. _Do you know that we’re in love?_

-

Later that week, Kurt arrives at Sebastian’s apartment mid-afternoon after his internship, ready to take a nap, or possibly a bubble bath. He’s cranky, despite not having to work that night. He’d stopped at the coffee shop on his way here to pick up his paycheck and look at his schedule for the next week, and he’s scheduled to work every single evening after his internship, and 11 hours on Saturday. It’s very close to the schedule of a full-time employee, even though he’d specifically requested about 20 hours a week when he was first hired. He’s not even going to have time to _breathe_ next week, let alone spend any time with Sebastian. The day had already been less than stellar before he got the bad news, because Kurt had been forced to do a lot more running around at the office than he’d expected, and the boots he’s wearing are not really suitable for that. He can’t wait to take them off, but he’s dreading the awful blisters he’ll see when he does.

He unlocks Sebastian’s door and enters the apartment, expecting to find it dark and empty, since Sebastian is meant to be at work for another few hours. All of the lights are on, though, and Sebastian is in the kitchen, his iPod playing quietly from the counter.

“Hey!” Sebastian says, greeting Kurt with a bright smile as he drops his bag on the couch and approaches the kitchen.

“Hi,” he replies, a bit hesitant. That’s not Sebastian’s normal smile - there’s something off about it, but Kurt’s not sure what, exactly. “You’re home early. And making…” Kurt takes a quick survey of the items spread out in front of Sebastian on the counter. “… brownies?” In the two months they’ve been dating, Kurt has never seen Sebastian attempt to bake anything on his own.

“Yeah, we had mix, and I really wanted some chocolate.”

Despite his recent fears about the relationship moving too quickly for Sebastian, Kurt can’t help but feel a surge of warmth at the use of the word ‘we.’

“What happened at work? It _is_ Thursday, right?”

“Oh,” Sebastian says, waving a hand dismissively, “I got out early today.”

Kurt frowns. “I thought you said you were really swamped this week.”

“It went better than expected. Anyway, I’m glad you came straight from work. I have news!”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. Remember how I told you that my dad was going to propose to Jane?”

“Oooh,” Kurt says, rubbing his hands together in excitement. A good engagement story is enough to counteract the weirdness of this situation. “Did he do it?”

“Not yet,” Sebastian replies. “But he bought the ring, and he wants to do it on the Thanksgiving ski trip.”

“So you’ll get to see it!”

“I’m gonna skip the vacation, actually, let them be alone. My dad and Jane are just going to come visit me here the next weekend.”

“That’s nice of you,” Kurt says.

Sebastian laughs. “I’m looking out for myself, honestly. I don’t want to be around them if they’re going to be all gross and romantic. And I do have a bit of an ulterior motive.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m free for Thanksgiving now,” Sebastian explains. “And I know you haven’t bought your plane ticket back to Ohio yet, so I was thinking you could just stay here, and we could celebrate together? It’s not exact, but that’s sort of around our three month anniversary, and we both have four straight days of free time to celebrate,” he concludes with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

“That sounds great,” Kurt says, and _god_ , does it, “but… I have to go see my family. It’s been months, and they’ve been expecting me. I can’t just cancel on them.”

Sebastian’s grin falters for a minute. “Yeah, that makes sense. I just figured I’d ask, in case you thought maybe your parents would be willing to come here for a weekend instead, or if maybe you could wait until Christmas…?”

“It’s pretty hard for my dad to get away,” explains Kurt. He feels awful. “And Christmas is a full five weeks after… I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sebastian says.

Kurt frowns, picturing Sebastian all alone in the apartment for the holiday, and an idea strikes him. “Hey, why don’t you just come to Lima with me?”

Sebastian is shaking his head before Kurt even finishes the question. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” Kurt asks, wounded by the immediate dismissal. “I’ll be spending time with my family, too, but at least we’ll be together.”

“Yeah, for four days, in your old house,” Sebastian replies. “It would be like torture.”

“Torture,” repeats Kurt, his voice flat. His boyfriend has just compared a four day trip to visit Kurt’s family, which would be a huge step in their relationship, to torture.

Kurt’s pretty sure they’ve just hit that roadblock he’d been anticipating.

Sebastian, sensing that Kurt is upset, quickly tries to backtrack. “I’ll go, though, if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want you to go to placate me,” Kurt snaps. “I want you to _want_ to go, but apparently you’d rather spend Thanksgiving alone than with me.”

“I’d rather spend Thanksgiving with you, alone, but that’s not an option,” replies Sebastian, an edge to his voice. “You said no, and I accepted that without throwing a hissy fit, unlike you.”

Kurt senses that the situation is very close to getting out of control, but he’s not capable of trying to rein it in, too betrayed, too panicked, too angry with himself for not being better prepared for this moment, which he _knew_ would come eventually. He opens his mouth to defend himself, maybe deliver a pointed insult, but Sebastian continues before he can.

“Look, can we not fight right now?” The anger is gone from Sebastian’s voice now, and the question sounds more like a plea. “I’ve had an incredibly long and shitty day and-”

“Oh, yeah, that Philosophy 101 class and a half day at a job you don’t even need must have been _really_ rough on you,” Kurt spits.

Sebastian’s eyes flash with anger, and Kurt anticipates the response, can hear it in his mind. _Right, you’re such a martyr with your internship and part-time coffee shop gig. Your father pays your rent, for fuck’s sake._ But Sebastian doesn’t say any of those things, doesn’t say anything at all. He stands there, taking deep breaths, actively trying to calm himself, and it’s another opportunity for Kurt to back off. This time, he attempts to take advantage of it.

“Look,” Kurt says, trying to keep his voice even, “we can postpone it all you want, but the issue is still going to be there no matter how long we wait.”

Sebastian runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “I don’t even understand what the issue _is_. We weren’t planning on spending Thanksgiving together anyway!”

“Yes, but the fact that you were given a choice to come spend it with my family and chose not to-”

“I said I would go! Whatever you want, okay? Sorry I’m not excited about spending my whole vacation in a house full of people who either don’t know me or don’t like me.”

“So if you had your way, you’d never spend a holiday with my family?” Kurt asks. “In a relationship, you have to do stuff like that, and you being so against it is a pretty good sign that you’re not all that invested in this relationship.” In anger, it’s easier to voice the concerns that he’s been keeping to himself.

Sebastian looks shocked. “It doesn’t mean that,” he argues. “We agreed to do all that meet-the-family stuff at Christmas!”

“And what will your excuse be then?” Kurt challenges, still unwilling to let the subject drop.

“I’m not going to try and get out of it! Not unless you’re still pulling this ridiculous drama queen act.” Sebastian sighs. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not,” Kurt insists. “It’s not just this, it’s a pattern of behavior with you. I mean, how many times have I asked you to come out with Rachel and Brody? Would it really be _that_ painful to spend time with my friends?”

“If one of them is Rachel, yes. And that doesn’t mean anything. I keep asking you to jogging with me, and you always say no. Does that mean you’re not taking the relationship seriously?

“That’s different and you know it!” Kurt’s yelling now, his loud voice bouncing off the walls of the small kitchen. “You’ve been to my apartment maybe once since I moved here, you don’t want to meet my friends, you don’t want me to meet your friends-”

“What friends?!” Sebastian cries. “I spend all of my free time with you!”

“A study group stops being just a study group when you spend time together at bars, Sebastian!” Kurt shoots back. These are issues he hadn’t even been aware that he was angry about until now. “So no, this isn’t about Thanksgiving, it’s about how you’re fine playing the good boyfriend when it means you have an easy, dependable lay, but as soon as something that might involve _actual_ commitment comes along, you’re not interested. It feels like I’ve wasted the last two months of my life on a relationship that can’t possibly go anywhere!”

Kurt knows as soon as he says it that he’s gone too far. Sebastian’s face closes off immediately, the desperation and panic disappearing as his eyes turn cold.

“Get out,” he says.

Kurt’s stomach lurches. “Oh come on,” he says uneasily. “ _Now_ who’s the drama queen?”

“Get out,” Sebastian repeats. “If that’s how you feel, get the fuck out of here, right now. Give me your key and don’t come back. We’re done.”

Kurt doesn’t know exactly where he had expected this argument to lead when he kept pushing forward and antagonizing, but he definitely had not imagined this. “Sebastian, don’t…”

“Don’t what?” Sebastian asks. “I’m a shitty boyfriend, right? Isn’t this exactly what you want?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth! I didn’t-”

“You wasted two months with me already,” Sebastian says. “Surely you don’t want to waste one more precious second.”

That mocking tone makes Kurt’s anger spike again. He’s not willing to apologize or smooth this over, not right now. “Fine,” he says, heading over to the couch to rifle through his messenger bag and remove Sebastian’s key from his key ring. Thankfully, it pulls off easier than it went on, and Kurt tosses it onto the kitchen counter without daring to give Sebastian another look.

“Enjoy your Thanksgiving,” Kurt spits as he hoists his bag up on his shoulder and walks across the living room. He slams the front door as hard as he can on his way out.

-

Kurt’s anger carries him all the way to the subway platform, but by the time he’s seated on his train, he wishes he could just redo the whole last hour of his life, from the minute he looked at his work schedule.

It had all just happened so _fast,_ and neither of them had been mature enough to have the conversation they really need to have about their relationship. Sebastian was so quick to placate, like he always is lately, and Kurt couldn’t stop pushing for an argument despite Sebastian’s pleas. They needed to talk, but not like that.

Kurt knows it was his fault. He had let his fear and insecurity get the best of him and said horrible things he didn’t mean. The words echo in his head as they subway hurtles toward Brooklyn - _easy, dependable lay, wasted two months_ \- and it makes him sick to his stomach, knowing that he said those things. Knowing how hurt Sebastian had been, must still be. Kurt has a knack for this, letting his anger get out of control and hurt the people he loves most in the worst ways. His tongue is sharp and cruel when he needs it to be. It’s his most effective defense mechanism, but he’s never used it without consequences. He didn’t mean those things, _of course_ he didn’t mean them, and Sebastian must know that, too. Kurt can only hope that once Sebastian calms down, they’ll be able to get together and have the necessary discussion about their relationship in a calm and reasonable manner. Now that Kurt has voiced his concerns (in the least productive way possible), the idea that Sebastian is going to someday soon hit a roadblock and decide a serious relationship is not for him seems a bit ridiculous. _Something_ is up with Sebastian, but he looked so betrayed by Kurt’s accusations that Kurt finds it difficult to imagine there was any truth to them.

Kurt expects to have a missed call or text from Sebastian when he gets off the subway, since the last time Sebastian was angry with Kurt, he called back only a minute after hanging up the phone. Kurt does have a text, but it’s from Anna - a plea for him to take her shift on Sunday. He rolls his eyes and taps out a quick response. Sunday is his only day off in the coming week, and he doesn’t take shifts on Sunday anymore, anyway. Those days are reserved for Sebastian, and Kurt hopes they’ll have things smoothed over by then.

After sending the text to Anna, he calls Sebastian. It rings for a while, but eventually goes to voicemail, which concerns Kurt. Sebastian had gotten out of work early and has no night classes today, so he shouldn’t be busy. He certainly hadn’t seemed to be in the mood to go out, even before he and Kurt fought. Kurt had almost forgotten how strange Sebastian had been acting - he’d been _baking_ , for god’s sake, with that manic smile on his face. He’d pleaded with Kurt to not fight today, too, and Kurt had ignored the desperation in his eyes and plunged forward anyway. God, he felt like an asshole.

“Hey, Sebastian,” Kurt starts as soon as he hears the voicemail tone. “I… um. Can you call me? We really need to talk, and I want to apologize to you, not your voicemail, for…” Kurt tries, but can’t bring himself to repeat his awful words. “Um. For those things I said. I didn’t mean any of it, I was just… I had a bad day, which isn’t an excuse, but…” He sighs. “Just… please call me when you have a second? We really need to talk about this. I just got off the subway, but I can come back to your place, if you want me to, so we can talk, because I don’t have another day off until Sunday… so… yeah, hopefully I’ll talk to you in a little while.”

He keeps his phone in his hand as he makes his way to his building, not wanting to miss Sebastian’s call. The phone stays silent for the whole walk back to Kurt’s apartment. It stays silent while Kurt finally takes off his boots and examines the blisters that have formed on his feet. It stays silent while Kurt goes to the bathroom, fixes himself a snack, and turns on his laptop to find out that Sebastian has changed his relationship status on Facebook to single.

Kurt reads the update to his newsfeed a few times to make sure he’s not seeing things. Leigh, whose name Kurt recognizes as someone from Sebastian’s study group, has already left a comment that says, “WHAT?! call me!!!”

It feels like a physical blow, seeing that notification. Kurt had heard Sebastian say the words, tell him that they were done, but he hadn’t taken the break-up seriously. The Facebook announcement makes it seem like much more than an argument that got out of hand. Telling everyone they know makes it feel tangible and somewhat permanent.

Kurt takes a deep, steadying breath and picks up his phone to give Sebastian another call. It goes to voicemail again, and Kurt hangs up, opting to send a text instead.

_We REALLY need to talk. Please call me?_

_-_

Over a week passes without any contact from Sebastian. For the first few days, Kurt apologizes through more voicemails, texts, and every form of social media he can think of. By the weekend, when it’s starting to become clear that the fight isn’t going to be resolved in time for their Sunday plans, Kurt’s moved from desperation to anger.

“This is ridiculous,” he says in a voicemail to Sebastian on Saturday night. “It was _one fight_ , and we were both having bad days, and I didn’t mean what I said, and I’ve apologized about 87 times. I shouldn’t have to beg! If one little thing like this was worth ending this relationship over, maybe I _was_ right about you. Why isn’t this worth fixing to you?!”

Rachel has plans that evening, and Kurt would normally be at Sebastian’s to spend the night, so he spends his time alone in the apartment trying to keep himself distracted. It doesn’t work, of course, and he ends up on Facebook, checking Sebastian’s profile to see if there’s been any activity since he changed his relationship status (there hasn’t) and scanning the list of friends currently on Facebook chat to see if there’s anyone he can vent to and maybe get some advice. He scrolls past Blaine’s name at first, because despite their agreement to remain friends, they haven’t talked much at all since their break-up. Blaine was always a great listener, though, and usually sympathetic toward Kurt’s position, so when no one else online fits the bill, he types a greeting to Blaine, who responds within a few seconds. After some catching up and a bit of small talk, Kurt launches into his story about what happened with Sebastian. Blaine doesn’t say anything for a minute after Kurt stops typing, and when he does reply, it’s not what Kurt expects.

_Blaine Anderson: Not to be a jerk or anything, but did you honestly think I was the right person to discuss this with?_

_Kurt Hummel: Well… we’re friends, and you’re a really good listener, so…_

_Blaine Anderson: We’ve barely even spoken since we broke up._

_Kurt Hummel: And I wanted to change that._

_Blaine Anderson: How convenient that you decided to pursue a friendship with me as soon as you got into a fight with your boyfriend._

_Kurt Hummel: What are you implying?_

_Blaine Anderson: I don’t think you’re talking to me because I’m a good listener. I also don’t think talking to me is going to help your situation in any way. I’m sorry you’re having problems right now, but I really am not the person to discuss them with. You should probably talk to Rachel, she’d be more objective._

_Kurt Hummel: She wouldn’t. She hates Sebastian, and she’s happy we’re fighting._

_Blaine Anderson: He put me in the hospital and now he’s dating my ex. How could I possibly be objective about this?_

Instead of answering with what would undoubtedly be a defense of Sebastian, Kurt clicks away from Facebook and leaves the computer, trying to figure out what he had been thinking when he decided talking to Blaine was a good idea. Maybe Blaine was right, and Kurt had spoken to him as an act of rebellion against Sebastian, even if he would probably never find out. It nauseates Kurt, how he can be so spiteful even without realizing it. He’d needed it when he was younger, the ability to hurt people so efficiently, in order to protect his own heart. He’d even been proud of it in the past, but it shames him now, knowing the damage he can do. The damage he’s already done.

After giving himself an hour to relax, he sends Blaine an apology message, explaining that he’s had a rough week and he knows he had no right to try and seek out Blaine’s help. He tells Blaine he hopes he hasn’t completely destroyed any chance they had to rebuild their friendship, and that maybe New Directions should plan some sort of get-together over Thanksgiving so they can see each other.

Kurt messages Sebastian next to apologize for the angry voicemail he left earlier that night. It’s a long, heartfelt message, and Kurt has to go back and delete a few instances of the word ‘love,’ because that’s not the sort of thing he wants to say for the first time in an email in which he begs to be forgiven and taken back. Sebastian probably wouldn’t even believe that he meant it. Kurt doesn’t want to use the word as a bargaining chip.

He really hopes he’ll still have the chance to say it to Sebastian in person.

-

Without any contact from Sebastian, the days drag. Kurt’s thankful that he doesn’t have any days off from the coffee shop after Sunday, because he doesn’t want to spend any more time alone with his thoughts than is absolutely necessary right now. They’re already keeping him up at night. He tosses and turns and gets only a few hours of sleep if he’s lucky, consumed with anger at himself for screwing up so badly and anger at Sebastian for being so unwilling to fix things.

In the light of day, Kurt tries to remain optimistic. He books his plane ticket home for Thanksgiving with a return flight on Saturday night, so he and Sebastian can still have that Sunday together. In retrospect, it seems ridiculous that the argument started because of Thanksgiving plans. Sebastian was right - staying with Kurt’s family for four days wasn’t a good idea. Their original Thanksgiving plans had involved a casual dinner at some point with each family, and then planning for more significant time with their families for their trip home at Christmas. It makes perfect sense that Sebastian wouldn’t want to stay with Kurt’s family for four days, especially now that Finn’s back home. Finn’s reaction to the news that Kurt is dating Sebastian wasn’t great, and Kurt doesn’t want to force either of them to be uncomfortable when they’re supposed to be enjoying a holiday together.

Early in the work week, Kurt lurks around the Columbia campus in between his internship and his shifts at the coffee shop, hoping to catch sight of Sebastian in one of the places they’ve met up there before. Kurt never spots him, and he doesn’t feel comfortable going to Sebastian’s apartment after blatantly being told to stay away. At work, he finds himself looking up every time a customer enters the door, hoping that it will be Sebastian. It reminds Kurt of the aftermath of the fight they’d had back at the Lima Bean. Back then, they hadn’t kissed yet, didn’t even have each other’s phone numbers, and Kurt had thought he missed Sebastian so much because of the depression he’d slipped into over the summer over being stuck in Lima. Now, though, even New York has lost its shine. Kurt has a great apartment, an amazing internship, and he’s starting to make some friends through his jobs and Rachel, but without Sebastian, nothing seems quite right. Kurt knows he’ll get over it eventually, even if he never sees Sebastian again, but right now, it hurts so much he can hardly stand it. He wants to fight for this relationship, but by Thursday night, he’s all but given up.

“Why should you fight for him?” Rachel asks. “You’re obviously not important enough for him to fight for you.”

“It was me that-”

Rachel interrupts him. “Even if the fight was your fault, he ran at the first sign of trouble! You deserve better, Kurt. And, hey, if it makes you feel any better, you guys lasted way longer than anyone predicted you would.”

Kurt frowns. “It doesn’t. Did you have a pool going or something?”

“Not important,” Rachel says. “What _is_ important is you getting over this. Go get changed, Brody and I are taking you out!”

“It’s almost 11 o’clock, and I have to be up at 6:30.”

“And then you’ll have all weekend to sleep!” Rachel says.

“I have an 11 hour shift on Saturday, actually.”

“You’ll live. Come on, Kurt, we’ll be your wingmen and help you find a great rebound guy!”

“A rebound?” Kurt asks, letting out a humorless laugh. “Sebastian was supposed to be a rebound, remember? And I’m really not interested in somebody else at the moment.”

In the end, though, it’s easier to go out with Rachel and Brody than to continue arguing. But Kurt doesn’t approach anyone or try to engage any potential suitors, and though he had been promised wingmen, Rachel and Brody spend their entire evening drunkenly making out on the dancefloor. By the time he gets home, it’s after two o’clock and he’s even more depressed than he was when he left.

Since Kurt hasn’t been sleeping well anyway, he doesn’t think the night out will affect his work day much, but Isabelle sends him a lot of pitying glances on Friday, so Kurt assumes he must look worse than normal. Dominick, his manager at the coffee shop, sends him home halfway through his shift, claiming that the new trainee is picking up on things very quickly and he deserves to have his Friday night to himself after working almost twice his normal amount of hours. Kurt knows he must look _really_ awful if even Dominick can tell that he’s having a rough time.

He wanders around the neighborhood for a little while before making his way to the subway station. He knows he should go home and try to get some sleep, but he doubts he would sleep much, anyway. Rachel won’t be home tonight, which is probably for the best, since, despite her sincere but misguided efforts, she hasn’t done anything to make Kurt feel better at all. It’s been eight days without contact now, and his many attempts to apologize for his behavior have been ignored. Kurt knows that he won’t be able to start getting over Sebastian until he actually admits to himself that it’s over, but his feet have led him to the entrance of Sebastian’s building, so he knows it’s not going to be easy.

Kurt almost goes inside. Sebastian is still at work, and Kurt would have to hang around outside of his door for a few hours, but at least Sebastian would be forced to see him. After a few minutes of consideration, Kurt abandons the idea and walks on, trying to feel pride at taking the first step in accepting that the relationship is truly over.

All he feels is regret.

-

He almost trips over Sebastian when he approaches his own apartment door about an hour later, attention focused on looking through the stack of mail he’s just picked up. Kurt doesn’t even realize it’s Sebastian at first, just notices a man sitting against the wall, long legs stretched out across the corridor. He’s focused on his phone, playing some sort of game, wearing jeans and a heavy coat that Kurt recognizes.

“Sebastian?” he asks, stopping just short of walking into the outstretched pair of legs blocking his path.

Sebastian looks up, meeting Kurt’s eyes, his expression a strange combination of happiness and fear. “Hey,” he says, pulling his legs closer to him and starting to stand up. Kurt, without thinking, stuffs the mail under his armpit and holds out a hand to Sebastian, who hesitates for a second, flicking uncertain eyes from Kurt’s hand up to his face, then back down as he takes Kurt’s hand and pulls himself up. “Thanks,” he says, keeping his eyes on the ground.

Kurt drops Sebastian’s hand and waits for him to continue, maybe offer some explanation for his appearance here, because Kurt’s mind is still reeling from the shock of seeing him, and all he wants to do is kiss Sebastian senseless. This isn’t going to help his new “accept that the relationship is over and move on” plan at all. Sebastian doesn’t say anything, though, and after the silence seems to have stretched on for way too long, Kurt clears his throat and says the first thing that comes to mind.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Rachel wouldn’t let me in,” Sebastian says. “She said it wasn’t her place. And then she told me I’m a jerk.”

“Rachel’s here?” Kurt asks, surprised. She had planned on leaving straight from campus that afternoon to meet up with Brody.

“Not anymore. She left a few hours ago.”

“And you’ve just been sitting here?”

Sebastian huffs out a laugh. “I didn’t know if you were working at the coffee shop today, and I didn’t want to miss you. To be fair, I thought it would be warmer than this.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, biting his lip. “I don’t think the heat works out here. Um… shouldn’t you be at work, though?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, not today. I…” he trails off, then shakes his head again, like he’s trying to clear something away. “Not ever, actually.” He finally looks at Kurt again. “I, uh… I quit last week.”

Kurt’s mouth drops open, but before he can ask if it had anything to do with their fight, Sebastian continues.

“It wasn’t because of us,” he assures Kurt. “It was Thursday, right before we… fought.”

Kurt swallows, remembering Sebastian’s odd behavior on the day they argued. “What happened?”

Sebastian shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “It’s not really important. I hated it, so I quit. Can we maybe go inside and talk?”

“Yeah, of course.” Kurt’s not ready to drop the topic of Sebastian’s job, but he knows getting Sebastian inside of the apartment is a good start. He pulls out his key and unlocks his door, motioning for Sebastian to go inside. They’re silent as Kurt turns on the light and they take off their coats. Sebastian’s wearing the Dalton hoodie that Kurt had commandeered as his own on cold nights in Sebastian’s apartment, and it makes it hard for Kurt not to reach out and pull Sebastian closer to him. He fights the urge, though, and instead fills two glasses with filtered water from the refrigerator and hands one to Sebastian, who’s now standing by the sofa, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Thanks,” Sebastian says, taking a sip.

“You’re welcome.” He sits on the couch, ready to start his apology as soon as Sebastian joins him, but once Sebastian is seated, he beats Kurt to it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I was really angry at first, and by the time I actually felt like I could talk to you, I was too afraid you’d just hang up on me.”

“I wouldn’t have,” Kurt says.

“Your messages were getting angrier.”

Kurt sighs. “I didn’t know what to do to get you to talk to me. You weren’t answering calls or messages, and I didn’t want to go back to your apartment after you kicked me out. I even went to your campus a few times to see if I could spot you walking around somewhere.”

Sebastian gives him a small smile. “Yeah, my friend Leigh saw you.”

“How does she know what I look like?”

“Well, you were in my Facebook profile picture for a little while last month,” Sebastian says, then looks down in embarrassment. “And I might have shown her every picture I have of you in my phone. She told me I was being an asshole by not letting you apologize.”

“I deserved it,” Kurt insists.

“No, we should have talked about it that night. And I shouldn’t have broken up with you like that, either. After I thought about it for like, one minute, I knew you probably didn’t even mean what you said-”

“I didn’t,” Kurt interjects. “Of course I didn’t.”

“-but it really, really hurt,” Sebastian finishes. “I love you, but you can be so… vicious. You know how insecure I am about relationship stuff. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m trying, and I thought it was enough, but hearing you say that you wasted two months, and that all I was interested in was sex made me feel… terrible. It was the worst thing you could have said to me, and you knew that, and you said it anyway, and it just took me a little while to get over that.”

It’s a lot for Kurt to process. Sebastian had slipped the word ‘love’ in there, in the present tense, which Kurt hadn’t been expecting. He knew there had been love between them before, even though they hadn’t mentioned it out loud, but after eight days of nothing, Kurt hadn’t been sure how Sebastian would be feeling. It doesn’t seem right to call attention to it right now, to say it back when Sebastian might think he’s not 100% serious about it, to make a big deal over an admission that Sebastian probably hadn’t even realized he was making.

“I am so sorry,” Kurt says, focusing on the part of Sebastian’s explanation that had shamed him. “I lashed out instead of trying to calmly discuss what was actually bothering me, and you’re right, I’m vicious, and I get people right where it hurts.” Kurt pauses for a moment, tries to blink back the tears that are forming in his eyes. “I hate that I do that. I hate that I hurt you.”

“I know,” Sebastian replies. “What was it that was actually bothering you, if it wasn’t what we fought about? I thought things were going okay with us. I mean… maybe not perfect, but..”

“Things were good,” Kurt assures him. He knows it’s time to share his fears with Sebastian. Keeping them to himself hasn’t gotten him anywhere good, and it seems increasingly unlikely that there’s any reason for him to be scared, anyway. “I just… I was worried that maybe we were moving too fast for you, because you’ve never done this before, and I thought I was somehow putting pressure on you to be something that you don’t want to be, and that eventually you’d realize that you actually hated this whole relationship thing.”

Sebastian pauses for a moment, thinking. “Was that why you never got tested? Because you thought it wasn’t going to last, and you didn’t want to bother?”

The question surprises Kurt. He hadn’t gotten tested like he’d said he would, but he’d never given the reason behind it much thought. There had been an awkward moment about three weeks ago when Sebastian had run out of condoms, so they had to stop what they were doing, and Kurt had stammered on for a few minutes about how he just hadn’t had the time to get the testing done yet. Sebastian hadn’t been angry, and he hadn’t pushed the issue, but clearly he hadn’t forgotten about it, either.

“I don’t know,” Kurt says, trying to be as honest as possible. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but… maybe? I guess it could have been a way to keep some distance between us, so it wouldn’t hurt as much if it ended.”

“I don’t understand,” says Sebastian with a frown. “Did I seem unhappy to you?”

“Not usually. But sometimes you got really distant and weird and I had no idea what you were thinking, because you always said you were fine.”

“That had nothing to do with us,” Sebastian says. “I never thought we were moving too fast. It was just work stuff. God, I was in a horrible mood every time I left that place, it wasn’t anything to do with you at all, Kurt.” He sighs. “My boss was really awful to me. Once he found out I was gay, he was on my case all the time. I never thought I’d have to deal with that in New York, but I didn’t want to quit because my boss was a friend of my dad’s, and I didn’t know how my dad would react. He was really excited about me working with this guy.”

“You didn’t tell your dad?” Kurt had only met Mr. Smythe briefly, but it’s hard to believe that he would tolerate this sort of behavior from a friend.

“Not until after I quit,” admits Sebastian. “Trust me, I got a lecture from him about that.”

“But he’s on your side?”

Sebastian laughs. “‘On my side’ is like, the understatement of the century. I think he’s made it his personal mission to get this guy fired, or at least formally reprimanded by the school.”

“Sounds like my dad,” Kurt says with a smile. “Why didn’t you tell me your job was so horrible? I just assumed your job sucked the way my job sucked, I didn’t realize you were having such a hard time with your boss. I probably couldn’t have done much to change anything, but maybe it would have helped just to talk to someone about it.”

“I didn’t want to complain too much about my job to you. You’ve been sort of dismissive about stuff like that in the past, which… I understand, because I didn’t necessarily get the job on my own merit, and I don’t _need_ the money. I know things are harder for you, and I didn’t want to make you mad by complaining about the privileges I have. We got into that huge fight over the summer about it.”

Kurt hadn’t even considered the effect that his snide remarks about Sebastian’s privileged life would have. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me without judgment,” he says. “This isn’t about how much money you have or who got you the job, though, this is about being discriminated against, and… god, I’m sorry, really. I feel awful. I want you to tell me about things that are bothering you, but I know my tendency to protect myself by putting other people down makes that hard to see.” Kurt reaches across the distance separating them on the couch and takes Sebastian’s hand in his. “Please tell me things? I’m going to work on not being so awful, I promise.”

“You’re not awful,” Sebastian says, squeezing Kurt’s hand. “Usually. But you’re right. We should tell each other things, both of us. I mean, you spent all that time thinking our relationship was a ticking time bomb, but you never said anything to me at all.”

Kurt bites his lip. “I should have. I was just scared that me bringing it up, making you really think about it, would be the beginning of the end for us, and-”

“No,” Sebastian says firmly, and leans forward to press his lips to Kurt’s. “If you had asked, I would have told you that you’re the best thing in my life right now. I’m happy with you, okay? And about the people in my study group…”

“I shouldn’t have said anything about that.”

“No, no, you’re right. You should have met them by now, because they’re my friends, and we need to start integrating our lives, I know that. And I should be here more, and I should hang out with Rachel and her boyfriend when you ask. It’s just that we don’t have all that much time together, and I always want to spend it with just you.” He smiles guiltily at Kurt. “Sharing you sucks. I’ll work on that, though.” Sebastian kisses Kurt again, this time a bit longer than the peck they’d shared before. It’s easy for Kurt to get lost in the delight of having Sebastian so close, touching him again after eight long days spent wondering if they would ever even talk again. And they’re talking things out, too, trying to fix things, because they both want to make this work. Kurt’s overwhelmed by his happiness, but he knows they’re not quite done discussing their issues.

“Can we talk about Thanksgiving?” he asks Sebastian when they finally part. “I know it’s not what the fight was actually about, but…”

“I’m sorry for not wanting to go home with you, but I really can’t imagine spending all that time at your family’s house,” Sebastian says. “I don’t even know how your stepbrother feels about me. I was fine with getting dinner with your parents over the weekend or something, but I really liked the idea of not dealing with the rest of your family until that Christmas Eve party. It’s so much less pressure.”

“I know, and you’re right,” Kurt replies. “If I had thought about that at all before speaking, I would have realized it was a stupid plan, anyway. I feel bad that I can’t stay here, though. Spending a few days alone with you would be really amazing.”

“It would,” laments Sebastian. “Maybe we can go away sometime, just for a few days? Maybe in the spring or something, since your internship will be done by then.”

“We should. Maybe I can take some time off of work when you’re on spring break, and we could spend some time together before you go home to see your family.”

Sebastian smiles. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“I booked my plane ticket for Thanksgiving, and I’m flying back here Saturday night, so we’ll have Sunday together, if you wanted to celebrate the anniversary then? We could even make a little Thanksgiving meal, I guess, since you might not be having a real one.”

“I’d love that. You planned that even though we weren’t speaking?”

Kurt blushes. “I was optimistic?”

“Good,” Sebastian says. “You should be. This is going to be the best anniversary ever.”

“Although, come to think of it, we were technically broken up for about a week. I mean… assuming that the break up is over?”

“It’s over,” Sebastian confirms. “If you want it to be.”

Kurt laughs, almost giddy. “God, definitely. I wanted it to be over eight days ago. But we _were_ broken up, so that weekend isn’t going to be anywhere near our three month anniversary.”

Sebastian frowns. “You want to push the anniversary date back eight days?”  
  


“We have to push it back a couple months, actually.”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, an anniversary celebrates the amount of time you’ve managed to not break up,” Kurt explains. “So technically, today is our new anniversary.”

Sebastian scrunches up his face. “No, I don’t like that. We can’t forget two whole months because I was an asshole one day.”

“Eight days, actually,” Kurt teases.

“Eight days,” Sebastian echoes. “But it only makes sense to say that if we’re totally starting from scratch today, which we’re not. I mean, we’re going to work on some stuff, but it’s still going to be essentially the same relationship.”

Kurt considers that. “I suppose that’s true,” he admits.

“We can pick the anniversary date later. It’s not like that Sunday is the actual day, anyway. I’m just happy we’re going to celebrate it at all.”

“Me, too,” Kurt says, leaning in to give Sebastian a kiss. When they pull back, they look at each other for a moment, both unable to contain their grins. This day has been such a rollercoaster, and Kurt desperately needs to get some sleep, but right now all he wants to do is sit here and enjoy the company of his boyfriend.

“Now, I’ve never been in a serious fight with a boyfriend before, so I don’t know if this is true,” Sebastian says after a minute, “but I’ve heard that make-up sex is reeeeally awesome.”

Kurt laughs and buries his face in Sebastian’s shoulder, thinking about the memorable evening he’d spent with Blaine after the resolution of their fight about Chandler. “Yeah, I can confirm that.”

They don’t get around to it that night, though, opting instead to order food and set up Kurt’s laptop so they can continue watching Lost on the couch.

“It was a really hard week, not knowing what happened next,” Kurt jokes as they settle back down.

“Next time I dump you, I’ll be sure to give you my Netflix password,” Sebastian replies.

They’re still snuggled up on the couch together hours later when Rachel gets home.

“Oh,” she says, looking surprised when she notices them. “Um. I can… go, if you want?”

“You don’t have to,” Kurt tells her. He’s too exhausted to do anything with Sebastian that Rachel can’t be around for. “We got you that vegan dish you love from the Thai place down the street. It’s in the fridge.”

“Oooh, you’re my hero, Kurt, thank you,” she gushes, the wary look on her face instantly disappearing as she heads toward the refrigerator.

“Thank Sebastian,” he tells her. “He paid for it. You know I haven’t been to the ATM in over a week.”

“Oh. Um. Thank you, Sebastian. I don’t have much cash on me right now, but I’ll be sure to pay you back as soon as possible.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “It’s a gesture, Rachel. Just take the food.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but stops herself when she sees Kurt’s glare. “Okay, thank you, Sebastian. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in earlier.”

“It’s okay. You were right, it wasn’t really your place.”

“You could have called me to let me know he was here, though,” Kurt says. He knows Rachel usually means well, but she’s really going to have to learn to tolerate Sebastian at some point. They are the two most important people to Kurt in New York right now, and Kurt doesn’t want to keep them separate for much longer.

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up if he was just going to leave,” Rachel replies. “I was trying to be a good friend, that’s all.”

“It’s fine,” Sebastian says, snuggling deeper into Kurt’s side. “It worked out fine.”

-

There’s a marked change in their relationship after that, one that Kurt hadn’t expected. To outsiders, it probably looks like they’re worse off now than they were before. Their mutual dedication to being more open with each other leads to far more arguments than they’d had before the break-up. The disagreements are small and manageable, over things like what movie to see, which flight to book for their trip to Ohio for Christmas, or whether or not they order in too much. Sebastian is far less placatory, no longer allowing himself to get steamrolled by Kurt’s strong opinions because he’s afraid of Kurt’s reaction. Kurt, for his part, finds it a lot easier to keep the arguments on topic and not get nasty or cruel.

There’s a level of comfort in the relationship that they hadn’t been able to reach before when they were both harboring secret fears and uncertainties. Kurt finds it hard to describe the relief he feels now that everything is out in the open. Before the break-up, he had tried to dismiss his fears about Sebastian’s desire to maintain a monogamous relationship as just a minor relationship issue, but now that the fear is gone, Kurt can see that it had been a huge strain on him. He feels lighter now, without the threat of his relationship’s demise hanging over his head, and he knows that Sebastian does, too. Kurt will gladly argue with Sebastian every day if it means he’ll get to go to bed certain that they’re still on the same page about their relationship.

Kurt finally gets tested, too, and gets the all-clear from the clinic. They still use condoms for penetrative sex, but blow jobs have become more spontaneous and frequent without the obstacles protection brings. They keep to their old routine of spending Saturday night through Monday morning together at Sebastian’s apartment, but they start to spend some of their weeknights together in the company of others. Rachel and Sebastian finally agree to a double date, and Sebastian and Brody end up getting along well. Kurt meets Leigh at an art show and is half in love with her by the end of the night. She’s intimidating at first, a large, opinionated woman with thick glasses and no makeup, but her dry, sarcastic sense of humor is appealing. It’s clear that she cares a lot about Sebastian, too, and she treats Kurt like an old friend.

A few days after Kurt and Sebastian’s reconciliation, Kurt gets a letter from NYADA informing him that he’s a finalist in the early decision admission process, but he tries not to get overexcited. He was a finalist last year, too, after all. His audition is scheduled just a few days before Thanksgiving, and he spends most of the weeks leading up to it preparing. Both Rachel and Sebastian are tolerant of his rehearsing and also of his anxiety. Rachel, who claims to have done some reconnaissance with Carmen Tibideaux, suggests that he do a more toned-down, emotional performance to show her a different side to him.

The audition is private this time, but Rachel and Sebastian skip class to accompany him, anyway. The audition goes as well as his first one did, and Carmen is equally complimentary. Kurt knows that doesn’t mean he’s in, and he tells that to Rachel and Sebastian as soon as he exits the room and is immediately enveloped in a three-way hug, but it doesn’t dampen their enthusiasm. Even Kurt can’t help but be excited. The audition is over, and it went well. Now, there’s nothing else he can do. It’s not in his hands anymore.

The trip home to Lima for Thanksgiving is nice, and Kurt loves seeing his family, but he’s glad to be boarding the plane back to New York on Saturday. In the few short months he’s been living in New York, it really has become his home. He does end up getting together with a bunch of the glee club members, but everyone is a little depressed over losing sectionals, and without Rachel (who had stayed in New York and cooked a meal with Brody and Sebastian mainly because she was afraid of running into Finn), the gathering doesn’t feel complete. It’s nice catching up with everyone and getting to know some of the new kids better, though. Kurt has to sit through some good-natured teasing from his old classmates about his relationship with Sebastian, but it doesn’t bother him. Blaine is friendly and warm, which Kurt hadn’t been expecting after the incident the month before, and they hug when Kurt shares the news about his second audition going well.

“They’d be stupid to turn you down,” Blaine says.

“They already did once,” Kurt points out.

“And that was stupid. But maybe they’ve learned from their horrible mistakes.”

Kurt laughs. “Maybe. Are you still planning on applying for next year, too?”

“Yeah,” Blaine says. “I sent in my application last week. Not for early decision, obviously, but I should hear back in a few months about whether or not I get an audition.”

“You’ll get one. They may be stupid, but they’re not _that_ stupid.”

“We’ll see,” Blaine replies. “Wouldn’t that be crazy? Both of us starting at NYADA next year? It’s sort of like how we planned it.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Kurt says. “But if they have a show choir, just know that I will fight you for every solo. You don’t get the boyfriend treatment anymore.”

Blaine grins. “Oh, so it’s gonna be like that?”

“Yep,” Kurt jokes. “No more Mr. Nice Guy.”

“Well, I really hope we get the chance to duke it out next year.”

“Yeah, me, too.” Kurt says, surprised by how much he means it. He gets a fleeting image in his mind of Blaine being one of the groomsmen at his wedding and tries not to laugh out loud at his optimism. Blaine is still an ex, after all, no matter how friendly they get with each other, but if there’s a chance to salvage some of the friendship that had been lost when their relationship failed, Kurt will be thrilled. “I think that would be great.”

-

Sebastian’s father and his fiancée come to New York the weekend after Thanksgiving, freshly engaged. Kurt stays away from the apartment for most of their visit so Sebastian can have time alone with his family, but they all go out for dinner together on Saturday night. Kurt’s more nervous than he’d anticipated. It’s his first official meeting with Sebastian’s dad (because Kurt is definitely not counting that time over the summer when Mr. Smythe walked in on them with their pants down), and Kurt really wants it to go well. He knows Sebastian respects his dad’s opinion a lot, and he also knows that there’s little chance he and Mr. Smythe have anything in common at all. Jane, Mr. Smythe’s fiancée, is a lawyer, too, so Kurt’s not expecting a terribly comfortable evening. He’d asked Sebastian for advice on how to act and what to wear, and Sebastian had just laughed and told him it was just his dad, not the pope.

“I wouldn’t care if the pope didn’t like me, though,” Kurt had countered.

“My dad’s going to like you,” Sebastian promised. So Kurt dresses as he normally would for a nice evening out, gives himself a pep talk about staying true to himself, and hopes for the best.

“Kurt!” Mr. Smythe exclaims as soon as Kurt enters the apartment. “I hardly recognized you, wearing all those clothes!”  
  


“Really, Dad?” Sebastian asks as Kurt’s face goes red. “He did that because I told him not to be an asshole,” he tells Kurt.

Kurt waits for Sebastian to be scolded for his language, but it doesn’t happen. Instead, Mr. Smythe just says, “Entirely untrue! I legitimately thought he might be a nudist!”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, then gives Kurt an apologetic look. “You’ll get used to him.”

And Kurt does. Mr. Smythe teases a lot, but once Kurt gets control of his nerves, he realizes how much it reminds him of Sebastian, and it immediately becomes less threatening. Sebastian and his dad seem to have a relationship much like Kurt has with his own dad - honest, frank, and fun. Jane isn’t hard to get along with, either, all bright and playful, and Kurt likes her from the moment they’re first introduced and she compliments his scarf.

They spend most of the meal discussing the upcoming wedding, and Jane is so impressed with Kurt’s enthusiasm and knowledge on the topic that she asks for his phone number so they can discuss it further as she plans the wedding.

“Neither of us have really done this before,” she explains. “I’ve never been married, and Tim’s other wedding was at a courthouse. I think I’m a little too controlling to let a wedding planner do everything, though. I’d love to have someone just to consult with, you know? Someone who won’t boss me around.”

Sebastian laughs before Kurt can reply. “Uh, Jane, if you don’t want to be bossed around, you should probably look for someone else.”

“Hey!” Kurt protests. “I’m perfectly capable of relinquishing control.”

Sebastian smirks. “In some situations, sure. But when it involves planning a wedding? No way.”

Kurt, choosing to ignore the fact that Sebastian has just made a thinly-veiled reference to their sex life in front of his parents, has to admit that Sebastian has a point. He frowns, and says to Jane, “Well, I do have… strong opinions, sometimes, I guess. Maybe I wouldn’t be terribly helpful. I have a huge scrapbook full of wedding ideas at home, though, and I could give it to you when I’m home on Christmas break. It has a ton of information on local vendors from when my dad got married a few years ago.”

Jane smiles. “That would be great, thank you.”

By the time Kurt excuses himself to use the restroom at the end of the meal, he’s relaxed quite a bit, and he’s ready to count the evening as a success. Sebastian’s father enters the restroom while Kurt’s washing his hands, but doesn’t go over to a urinal or a stall, instead joining Kurt at the sinks. Immediately, Kurt starts to think he might have jinxed himself by calling the evening a success so early.

“Hey, Kurt,” Mr. Smythe greets him. “Enjoy the meal?”

“Yes, it was wonderful. Thank you.”

Mr. Smythe waves a hand. “Of course.”

Kurt finishes washing his hands and reaches for a paper towel try dry them off. He wants to leave, but it seems like Mr. Smythe still has more to say to him, so he lingers, feeling slightly awkward.

“I like you,” Mr. Smythe says after a moment. “Sebastian said you were worried I wouldn’t.”

“Oh,” Kurt replies, unsure how to react. “That’s… um. Well, you know, meeting the parents is… nerve-wracking.”

“It is,” agrees Mr. Smythe. “But you can relax. I think you’re really good for Sebastian. You bring out the best in him.”

This surprises Kurt. “I do?”

“Yeah, he’s more…” Mr. Smythe pauses to think. “More open, I think.”

“Really?” Though he and Sebastian have been working on being open with each other lately, Kurt is surprised to learn that this would affect Sebastian’s other relationships. “He didn’t even tell you he was having job trouble until after he quit, though.” Kurt’s not sure if that’s a subject he should be bringing up, and it feels strange discussing Sebastian when he’s not here, but Mr. Smythe just nods.

“That’s true,” he says. “But last year, he wouldn’t have mentioned it to me at all. I would have found out from Jack at the end of the semester, and I would have bought whatever story that asshole fed me about Sebastian being lazy and unwilling to do the work he needed to do, and Sebastian never would have corrected me. He’s been very closed off for a long time, you know. He hasn’t had a real friend since middle school.”

This, Kurt already knows. Though Sebastian hasn’t gone into great detail, Kurt knows that Sebastian didn’t move in with his father full-time until he was in sixth grade, when his mother, who’d had primary custody before, married an Australian and moved to Sydney. He’d had to change schools then, and he told Kurt he hadn’t made many friends at his new school. Sebastian’s only seen his mother a few times since she moved, though they talk fairly often, and he’s dismissive of the whole topic now, but Kurt figures one can’t go through something like that and not have any lasting effects from it. Kurt can relate to losing a parent, but even as a young child, he’d never thought that his mother purposely abandoned him. He can’t even imagine how that must feel.

“I was worried about him coming to the city,” Mr. Smythe continues. “He didn’t seem excited about college at all, I thought he was going to be miserable here. But he’s doing well in his classes, he has friends, he’s telling me things… he’s happy.”

It’s startling to hear Sebastian described as this way, as if “happy” is a new experience for him. Kurt knows that Sebastian is happy now, especially recently, without his job to worry about anymore, but Kurt never assumed that “unhappy” was Sebastian’s default state. He’s only known Sebastian for a year, and been close with him for less than six months, so he supposes he wouldn’t really know. Sebastian had never seemed unhappy last year. He’d seemed rather jovial, actually, always armed with a cheerful smile as he terrorized the members of New Directions. Kurt will agree that Sebastian has matured since then, and that may very well have caused him to become more content with his life and the choices he makes, but Sebastian decided to improve his behavior on his own. Dave Karofsky had had more to do with that than Kurt, probably.

“It’s generous of you to attribute all that to me,” Kurt says, “but I don’t know how much I had to do with it. People can change on their own.”

Mr. Smythe smiles. “They can, of course. Especially when they have a good reason to. I’m not saying it’s all because of you, but… I’m really happy that he has you.”

Kurt knows that he and Sebastian are happy with their relationship, but talking with Mr. Smythe is starting to make Kurt realize that maybe that happiness is spreading over other areas of their lives, too. He can’t help but think back to his summer, so hopeless and gray before he’d made the decision to move to New York. With this in mind, it’s not so hard to believe that Kurt’s had a positive effect on Sebastian, because Sebastian has certainly had a positive effect on him.

“I’m happy to have him,” Kurt says. “He’s been good for me, too. It was my dream to move here, and if it weren’t for Sebastian, I’m pretty sure I’d still be in Lima right now.”

“Well,” Sebastian’s dad says, “it’s good thing you found each other.” He pats Kurt’s shoulder, then gives him a wink and a gentle shove toward the door. “You better get back out there, or he’s going to think we’re talking about him.”

-

Kurt and Sebastian miss most of their Sunday together that week, but Kurt comes over to Sebastian’s apartment in the evening once Tim and Jane have left. Sebastian’s fallen behind on class work with the distraction of his family’s visit, and the end of the semester is rapidly approaching, so Kurt keeps himself busy for a few hours while Sebastian works. After the talk with Mr. Smythe, Kurt’s content just to be close to Sebastian. The knowledge that Sebastian has not always been happy makes Kurt feel fiercely protective of his boyfriend and the happiness he’s managed to obtain. Kurt also feels a little bit stupid that he’d had all the pieces to the puzzle before - Sebastian’s mom leaving, no real friends, the attention-seeking behavior from last year - but he’d never put it together well enough to realize that Sebastian must have been fairly miserable through his high school years.

“Ughhhh, I quit,” Sebastian groans around 10 o’clock, slamming a book shut and shutting down his laptop. He leaves his desk and joins Kurt on the bed, where he’s been flipping through a magazine.

“How much did you get done?” Kurt asks.

“Not enough,” Sebastian admits. “But you’re working a lot this week, so I’ll have time to work on it before Thursday.” He leans over and presses his lips against Kurt’s, hard and demanding, and it’s not long before Kurt is laid out underneath Sebastian, breathing heavy as Sebastian tugs down Kurt’s pants and starts palming his dick through his underwear.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sebastian asks, giving Kurt a wicked grin, but keeping his hand where it is.

“Yes,” Kurt moans, thrusting his hips to get more contact.

“What did my dad say to you when he ambushed you in the bathroom last night?”

Kurt sits up immediately, knocking Sebastian out of place. “Really? You want to talk about your dad when your hand is on my dick?”

Sebastian smirks and makes a show of raising his hands in the air, a safe distance from Kurt’s crotch. “I was hoping to catch you off guard and trick you into telling me.”

Kurt huffs out a laugh. “Don’t worry, it was a good talk.”

“Of course it was, if it was about me,” Sebastian jokes.

“It was about me, too,” Kurt says. “And he didn’t say anything… secret, really. He said he likes me.”

“I told you he would.”

“And he said I’ve been good for you,” Kurt adds. “And that you’re more open with him now, and happier.”

Sebastian thinks about that for moment as he settles himself down on the bed beside Kurt. “He’s right,” he says eventually, then pauses again. “You know, he and Jane told me at breakfast that they’re thinking of having kids.”

“She doesn’t have any, I’m assuming?”

“Nope. And she’s only 31, and she’s always wanted to have kids.”

“Huh,” Kurt says, trying to picture his own father having another child at his age. “Does that bother you?”

“It doesn’t _bother_ me, it’s just… strange. I used to really want a little brother or sister, but I thought that ship had sailed, you know?”

“Yeah. I thought that, too, but then I got a new brother when I was 17.”

“Not a baby, though,” Sebastian points out. “It’s just weird to think about my dad having kids. I mean… _I_ could be having kids right now.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “Could you? Should I be a little more concerned about our method of birth control?”

“You know what I mean,” Sebastian says, playfully smacking Kurt’s arm. “Just that… I’m an adult, technically, and people my age have kids. If he has more kids, they wouldn’t even be in our generation. They’d probably be closer in age to any kids I might have than to me, even though they’re my siblings.” He’s quiet for a moment before continuing. “How do you feel about kids?”

Kurt’s eyes widen. “Um… that’s sort of a loaded question.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Relax, Kurt. There’s no wrong answer.” He pauses. “Well, I guess ‘I like lighting kids on fire’ would be a wrong answer. But we’re teenagers and we’ve been dating three months. I just mean… in general, have you ever thought about having kids?”

“Not much,” Kurt says. “I’m not against the idea, really, but… it depends, I guess. I’d want to be older, probably, and married, and settled into a career. I do see the appeal of having a cute little baby that I can dress however I want.”

Sebastian laughs. “You could do that with a Barbie doll, too. Less money, less mess.”

“Oh, please,” Kurt scoffs. “Barbie has _awful_ fashion options. But how about you? Do you think you want kids?”

“I don’t really know, either. I always thought I’d have kids,” Sebastian says. “My mom always used to say things like, ‘you’ll understand when you have kids of your own,’ so I thought it was a given. It might be fun, someday. I’m surprised you haven’t thought about it, though. It seems like you have your ideal life all planned out.”

“Not really,” Kurt admits. “My fantasy life sort of ends once I’ve won a Tony, started my own fashion line, and had a glamorous New York wedding.”

“And you’re going to have all that done by the time you’re 30,” Sebastian adds, smiling.

“Yep, so I’ll have plenty of time to play dress up with babies after that, if I want.” Kurt lets his mind wander then, picturing a distant future with Sebastian as the other groom in Kurt’s lavish New York fantasy wedding.

“Hey,” Sebastian says after a minute, snapping Kurt out of his reverie. “Can I put my hand back on your dick now?”

Kurt laughs before leaning over to give Sebastian a kiss. “Of course,” he says. “As long as we’re done talking about your dad and babies.”

Kurt fucks Sebastian that night. It’s not how they usually do it, but it’s happened enough times by now that Kurt knows the signs before Sebastian even asks for it - the restlessness, the pleading tone to his voice. When Kurt’s trying to reach the nightstand drawer to grab a condom without removing his fingers from Sebastian, he realizes that he’d really, _really_ like to go without this time.

“Sebastian?” he asks, removing his fingers so he can crawl up closer. They’ve been holding off on this, waiting for the right time, and Kurt already knows that Sebastian’s answer will be yes. “Do you want-”

“Yes,” Sebastian replies immediately, sounding desperate. “Please. I want to feel you, just you.”

“Just you,” Kurt echoes, feeling his heart flutter as he presses a kiss to Sebastian’s lips.

-

Kurt’s NYADA letter arrives on a Monday in early December. He has the night off from the coffee shop, but Rachel is still at school and Sebastian has a night class on Mondays, so they usually don’t see each other if Kurt doesn’t have to work after his internship. As soon as he sees the return address on the envelope, Kurt’s heart leaps up into his throat. This is it.

Kurt knows that whatever is inside the letter won’t destroy him. If he’s been denied again, he has plenty of other options. He’s applied to a few more performing arts programs that he won’t hear back from until at least January, and he applied to some fashion programs, too, with a recommendation letter from Isabelle, who seems genuinely disappointed that Kurt’s internship is ending in a few weeks. There’s a good chance he’ll be starting college somewhere in the city next fall, and his plans for the coming spring mostly just involve trying to convince Dominick to promote him to a full-time employee, which would mean more hours, but a more stable schedule, and better benefits. It’s not like last spring, when he expected his NYADA letter to be the key to his whole future. Kurt knows better now. He knows that his life can veer off course and still be amazing, even if things don’t happen quite as he planned.

He wants it, though, wants so badly to go to NYADA, to be validated by Carmen Tibideaux. He wonders briefly whether or not he should wait for Rachel to get home, or until he sees Sebastian tomorrow, so he’ll have some moral support, but he decides to do it on his own. Though both of them have been helpful and supportive in his journey to get there, it is ultimately _his_ journey alone, and he wants some time alone once he gets the news, to either celebrate his achievement or privately mourn the loss of his NYADA dream. If he gets in, he’ll call his family immediately, then wait for Rachel to get home so he can tell her in person before heading into Manhattan so he can greet Sebastian after his class and surprise him with the good news. He’ll send texts to Tina, Mercedes, and Blaine, because they’re the only other people who really know how much it means to him. Everyone else can find out from an enthusiastic Facebook update tomorrow. If he doesn’t get in, he’ll probably wait a few days to let it sink in before telling everyone besides Sebastian and Rachel, who will need to know immediately, since they’ll be in charge of cheering him up.

Once the decision to open the envelope has been made, Kurt is impatient to learn his fate, and he nearly rips the letter in his haste. He scans the first paragraph, looking for the telltale words - regret to inform you, pleased to invite you, _something_ , and when he sees that he has been accepted into the program starting in the fall 2013 semester, he reads the sentence over five times, and then reads the entire letter to make sure there’s no catch.

“I got in,” he dares to whisper after he’s checked the letter thoroughly. “I got in.”

-

As the semester draws to a close, Kurt has more free time than he’s become accustomed to in the past few months. Sebastian is much busier than usual, and Kurt is sure to leave him time alone to work on final papers and study for exams. He doesn’t stay away all the time, though. He’ll still come over some nights when he’s not working and hang around Sebastian’s apartment, even if Sebastian’s busy, just to keep him company, and enjoy the short breaks he takes. This is how the plans for a holiday party come about, really. Kurt starts spending time decorating Sebastian’s apartment when he’s bored, and by three weeks before Christmas, it looks like the area of a department store set aside for visiting Santa.

“We’re not even going to be here for Christmas,” Sebastian says one evening, distracted from his studying by Kurt standing on a chair to hang more lights in the living room.

“Well, we’ll see it until then,” Kurt says. He knows Sebastian is more amused than annoyed. “It looks cheerful!”

“It looks like Santa Claus threw up in here. It would be one thing if we were having a Christmas party or something, but no one’s even going to see this stuff.”

“Maybe we should,” Kurt says, starting to formulate an idea.

“We should what?”

“Have a Christmas party. Or… a holiday party. I still haven’t met the rest of your study group.”

Sebastian frowns. “Yeah? It would have to be before the semester’s over, though, before everyone leaves for break, and we’re all pretty busy.”

Kurt thinks for a moment. “Well, the econ final is the last one, right, that Wednesday afternoon? And you’re all taking it?”

“Yeah.”

“So maybe you could invite them over that night? Your final goes pretty late, most of them probably aren’t leaving til Thursday. And if that’s the last day of finals, they shouldn’t have any more studying to do.”

“That’s true,” Sebastian says. “I could ask.”

“Tell them there will be free food and alcohol.”

Sebastian laughs. “Yeah, that will probably help. You should invite a few people from Vogue, and maybe Lilian from the coffee shop? We can get a lot of the meeting friends stuff done at once.”

“That’s a good idea,” Kurt says. “And I’ll have to invite Rachel, too, or she’ll throw a fit.”

“Of course.”

Planning the party helps fill Kurt’s spare time in the last week of the semester. He adores planning parties, and he even prints out fancy invitations to pass out to the 13 guests they’ve decided on, though Sebastian says it’s not necessary for his friends. Kurt’s internship ends the Friday before the party, and Kurt spends most of the weekend scrubbing Sebastian’s apartment, (which gets him a lot of snarky comments from Sebastian about how it seems like Kurt sort of ended up being his maid, after all), and baking the wide variety of cookies he’s planning to serve.

Cookies aren’t the only thing Kurt’s got planned for the holiday party, though.

It had occurred to him recently, during a particularly enthusiastic blow job from Sebastian, that Kurt still had not told Sebastian he loved him. He realized it just before the words tumbled out of his mouth, and he bit them back just in time. It wouldn’t have been untrue, of course, because he’d had the love realization months ago, and his feelings hadn’t faltered since. Sebastian had even let the words slip during their reconciliation, and Kurt had purposely not reciprocated right away or made a big deal about it, because he knew Sebastian wouldn’t have wanted him to. Kurt had never meant to wait so long, though. He’s just not the type to say it often, no matter how much he feels it. He loves Sebastian, and he knows that it’s obvious. Sebastian loves him, too, but he hasn’t brought it up again since that day in Kurt’s loft. It doesn’t feel like a violation of their openness policy, because unspoken things are not necessarily secrets. Kurt likes that they’re hesitant to throw the phrase around. It’s their last big first as a new couple, and it will be the first time that a boyfriend says it to Sebastian, so Kurt doesn’t want it slipping out during a blow job, no matter how fitting that may seem. He wants it to be special for Sebastian, wonderful and romantic and unforgettable. Kurt’s had his share of romantic moments in the past, but Sebastian hasn’t had much, and Kurt wants him to have this one movie-worthy moment that will make him blush before he can think to roll his eyes and try to dismiss it. Sebastian deserves this, at least one grand, romantic gesture that he’ll pretend not to cherish forever, after all he’s done for Kurt, all the effort he’s put in to venturing out of his comfort zone and into this unfamiliar boyfriend territory.

Kurt thinks the party is the perfect place for it. The apartment looks beautiful right now with all the decorations and lights, and they’ll be surrounded by friends, both of their friends, coming together, finally, a small microcosm of the life they’ve started building for themselves in their new city, with the stress of the semester and Kurt’s internship over with. He won’t do it in front of everyone, of course. It won’t be an announcement, or a toast, but Kurt pictures himself pulling Sebastian out onto the fire escape to get some distance from the music and chatter, and Kurt will point out the mistletoe hanging above them with a playful smile, and Sebastian will complain about how tacky it is while his amused eyes betray him. Their kisses are always nice, but this one will be amazing, because they read each other so well that Sebastian will know that something big is coming. Kurt will pull back then, and say the words, quiet but firm, and Sebastian will have that awed look in his eyes for a second, like he still can’t believe this is happening, before he returns the sentiment and they kiss again as light snow starts to fall.

Of course, that’s not how it ends up going at all.

Kurt lets it slip two days before the party when he’s out buying some last minute supplies. They’re not even face to face when it happens. He calls Sebastian once he knows he’ll be home from his morning final, not wanting to bother him, really, but Kurt wants to know how the final went, and he needs to know how much brown sugar is left in the cabinet, and if Sebastian has any special liquor requests to add before Kurt texts the final list to Brody. It’s a short phone call, no longer than three minutes, because Kurt is heading over to Sebastian’s once he’s done at the grocery store.

“Okay, thank you,” Kurt says once Sebastian’s answered all of his questions. “Love you, see you in a little while.”

He doesn’t even realize what he’s done until after he ends the call. There’s nothing he can do now, though, except hope that Sebastian hadn’t noticed the slip.

-

When Kurt enters Sebastian’s apartment less than an hour later, he finds Sebastian by the small Christmas tree in the living room, hanging some glass ornaments Kurt hasn’t seen before.

“They’re pretty,” Kurt says, walking over to get a closer look. “Where’d you get them?”

“My mom sent them,” Sebastian explains. “They came in the mail today.”

“She has good taste.”

Sebastian grins. “Of course she does, she’s related to _me_.” He presses his lips to Kurt’s for a quick greeting kiss, and when he turns his attention back to the tree, his grin is still intact.

“You’re in a good mood today,” Kurt remarks.

“Well, I am down to my last final, which is nice.” There’s a mischievous glint in his eye when he turns his gaze back to Kurt. “And this guy I’ve been seeing told me he loves me, so that was pretty exciting.”

Kurt groans. “You noticed that, then?”

“Yep,” Sebastian replies, eyes twinkling.

“I wanted it to be more romantic than that,” Kurt says, giving Sebastian an exaggerated pout.

“I know. But you love me so much that you couldn’t hold it in any longer!” Sebastian teases.

“You know, I was nice enough not to make a big deal out of it when you said it on accident,” Kurt whines. “I really think you should show me the same courtesy.”

“And I appreciate that you did that, because that was really not a great love confession. I can do much better. But, unfortunately, I’m not as nice as you.” Sebastian pulls Kurt closer to him and into a tight embrace, then says into his ear, “And I’m not letting you take it back.”

“I don’t want to take it back,” Kurt says. Then, a terrible thought crosses his mind. With how intently Sebastian had been listening for the words, waiting for them, refusing to let Kurt take them back, maybe his love for Sebastian hadn’t been quite as obvious as Kurt thought, hadn’t shone through as clearly as Sebastian’s love had to Kurt. Maybe Sebastian has been unsure this whole time, desperately waiting for the sentiment to be returned. “I just want to do it better. You… you know that I wouldn’t take it back, right? I mean, I thought that we… maybe I’ve been reading this all wrong, but I thought that you knew, and that-”  
  


“Kurt,” Sebastian interrupts, and Kurt can hear the smile in his voice, “Relax. Of course I knew.”

Kurt wraps his arms tighter around Sebastian. “Good.”

“It’s nice to hear it, though,” Sebastian says.

“It is,” agrees Kurt. “I’m sorry it wasn’t more… special. I wanted you to have at least one really romantic moment.”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian says. “It felt pretty good to me.”

“I’m glad.” Kurt pulls back from their embrace enough to look Sebastian in the eye. “I love you,” he says again, voice steady and clear, then leans in to kiss this boy, this wonderful unexpected gift who is now such an integral part of his life.

Sebastian ends the kiss after a moment, wearing the same awed expression he had in Kurt’s fantasy, and says, “I love you, too.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[fanart] ‘Til the Shine Wears Off](https://archiveofourown.org/works/623735) by [MySnarkySelf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySnarkySelf/pseuds/MySnarkySelf)




End file.
